Xen's Peace
by Timely
Summary: Kishimoto did not write about another Uchiha. I swear, he did not. There's only four: Sasuke, the emo avenger; Itachi, the suicidal pacifist; Obito, the depressed loner; and Madara, the one with issues...okay, I guess they all have issues. But who is he and...why does he feel so familiar? (Fem&Male SI/OC Fic) Read Inside for Better Summary. Give first chapter a shot.
1. Beginning

_**Full Summary (Read Please)**_

_I had not thought much about my death, only that I refused to move "on." Instead, I waited...to only be reborn into the Narutoverse. To make matters worse, I remember everything from my old life; a life where the shinobi world was fake, a life that had already foretold the future of the shinobi world. _

_What's a girl to do? So, I do what any hard core fan does: make the Naruto Universe I knew better. Except, it's a lot much harder than one would think. But that is the least of my problems. You see...__there shouldn't be another Uchiha survivor. _

_Kishimoto did not write about another Uchiha. I swear, he did not. There's only four: Sasuke, the emo avenger; Itachi, the suicidal pacifist; Obito, the depressed loner; and Madara, the one with issues...okay,__ I guess they all do. But point being:_

_THERE WAS NO OTHER UCHIHA! So who is he a__nd...why does he feel so familiar? _

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but on Fanfiction, I am allowed to play with it (to an extent).**

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_****__**"Once we are, we will always be." - Kao Kalia Yang**_

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_**1 - Rebirth**_

It was a stupid mistake. The stupidest anyone can make in this field of work.

Don't hesitate, don't care. Get in and get out.

But in that moment, all I could remember were them…my baby brothers and sisters. Babies because they're forever frozen in our childhood. As I aged, they remained young. As I killed, they remained dead. As I mourned, they remained buried within the earth, far away from me.

In that moment that was all I could think about as I watched the boy, my age when they had died, stand in front of his siblings, all five of them huddle together. The youngest was not even four yet, tears running down her eyes and fear in all of their eyes…and I thought, was that how they died?

If that man, had stopped like I had, if that man had even an ounce of emotions, of love, would he had paused as he saw them like I was seeing these children? But it didn't matter.

Because in that moment of hesitance, I felt as the bullets hit me from that young man's gun. He did not flinch, no guilt in those dark eyes and dark face. Why should he, he was protecting them and himself. From me, an enemy.

It hurt like hell, like fire belting me because he kept shooting. He was scared, he was angry. I had just killed his father and his uncles. I had just tried to kill them. So there was no hate in me, no bitterness, or even shame as I died at the hands of an untrained boy.

All I could think about at that moment, was that the bullets were destroying the letters and the two photos I had left of everything: a family photo when I was sixteen and a photo of her and me back in our senior year. All I could think about before the ground met me, was that I couldn't even protect the inanimate things I loved and cherished.

I could feel everything grow cold even as I fought to live. Live because they couldn't, live because it was so much easier than dying. I didn't need to know that the boy and his siblings has left, the gun that had shut me down lying at my head as I struggled to crawl to my side.

I just wanted to feel them one last time, look at them.

My fingers trembled as agonizing pain shot through my body as I ripped off the useless bullet proof vest so I could search for them, the letters and the photos. With bloody fingers, I grasped for the slips of papers, all tied neatly with two strings, but I fought with them to free the words that meant everything to me.

My eyes couldn't focus enough on the letters, already soaked with blood, but I did not need eyes to see. No, I had read these letters over and over again until they were sketched onto my heart.

_Dear Xen,_

_I hope this letter made it to you safely. I attached a photo of us back in high school. Can you believe you used to have long hair? It's been so long. I hope that you're safe. They told me that you might not get this letter, but I'm writing it just in case you do. _

I coughed up blood, the letters beginning to fall out of my grasp as I covered my mouth. Letters kept falling from my hand as I forced my broken body towards the wall. More blood spurted out from my mouth as I grimaced.

_Dear Xen,_

_I found a new anime to watch as I wait for Kishimoto to update Naruto. It's been boring, but I know you will love Naruto. When you come back, we'll do a marathon. I think you'll love the ninja world, it's such a complex and beautiful metaphor to our own. Everyone in Naruto is striving for peace, just like you._

I couldn't help but pause as I coughed up more blood, already feeling as the blood began to choke me.

_Dear Xen,_

_I know that this is the twentieth letter that I've sent and you haven't replied. It's okay. I'm not sure if you're getting these, wherever you are. But just in case, are you eating well? Getting any sleep? You used to complain about insomnia. Do you still? _

One bloody hand covered my mouth as the other dragged me forward to the wall.

_ Dear Xen,_

_Why is it that you chose to join the marines? I thought it was your dream to become a doctor? I guess you are completing that dream though, aren't you? I know that you enlisted as a medical specialist. But…the fighting too? Please, be safe._

I pushed every part of my body with each drag, fighting the darkness and the cold.

_Dear Xen,_

_I hate this war, I hate how you're not here, but there. Why won't you write me back? Are you really not getting these? Please, be safe Xen. Be safe and be alive. Return soon. _

I hated how I never fucking replied to those letters, so cowardly. So afraid of what she would think of me.

_Dear Xen,_

_What is peace? I know you hate it when I make references to Naruto, but I can't just help question what you're doing, what everyone is doing. Nagato made some good points about peace and you would know what Nagato said if you had just watched Naruto with me. But, Xen, can war, violence, and death, really result in peace for everyone or just for those who win? _

I hated how I didn't join the marines for peace, but to run away from my own demons.

_Dear Xen,_

_I hate the path you've chosen. It's taken you far from me and everyone else. I wish you had stayed. I wish that your family was still here. Sometimes, I find myself walking pass your old house and I keep thinking that your younger siblings will be there and I can talk to them about Naruto and the latest manga…_

I wished I had died with them that day at the hand of that man. Maybe, maybe I could have saved them.

_Dear Xen,_

_I'm sorry, Xen. I'm so sorry._

I had spent so long, too much time, feeling sorry for surviving longer than they had.

_Dear Xen,_

_Even if they're not here when you return, I will be. _

Do you think they would hate me? I haven't visited them since I buried them all those years ago.

_Dear Xen,_

_I visited their graves today. I told them that you'll visit them when you return. Will you, Xen?_

I could never return back to that empty house, to that empty town. I just couldn't and now, I never will again.

_Dear Xen,_

_I hate you. Why won't you reply?_

I hated myself.

_Dear Xen,_

_I did not mean what I said before. I'm just tired of writing to someone who may not be there._

I had waited so long for death. It's ironic that when it finally comes, I wanted nothing more than to live.

_Dear Xen,_

_Where are you? _

I was dying in a place so far from where those I loved were buried.

_Dear Xen,_

_I miss you. I miss us. I miss everyone. Come home soon._

I missed them more than anything.

_Dear Xen,_

_I don't care what about the things you've done, who you think you've become, because all of the letters I've written, is to my Xen. I'm still waiting for you to come home._

I did not want to meet them again like this.

**_Dear Xen…_**

**_I_**_…_

I've lived fifteen years without my family…

**_Xen_**_…_

…and ten without her.

**_Dear Xen…_**

I'm not the Xen they knew. He had died with them.

**We…you…**

How could they ask him to continue on without them?

_Dear Xen,_

I stared at the last two letters in my hand. One of them from her before she left, another unfinished letter from her death.

_I'm sorry for the argument we got into last night. I know you didn't mean the words you said. I'm sorry for pushing you. I'll make you a promise: let's meet again one year after your service to Japan._

I should have stayed with her, **forced** her to stay with me.

_You better remember. If you don't, not even your marine training can protect you from my wrath. We can finally watch that Naruto Marathon and you can finally write a letter back to me. For now, don't worry. I'll be back soon from my study abroad…_

I finally reached the wall, with unsteady and weak arms, I propped myself up against the wall and finally took out the two pictures. I slowly tried to wipe the blood off of them, but the red continued marring them. I stared at them with unfocused eyes, but like the letters…their images were forever sketched into my soul.

My fingers twisted around the other letter, the one her parents had given me at her funeral, the one she never finished, the one that held so many broken dreams and memories.

_…I love you Xen, more than anything in this world. If you don't know where to turn to, turn to me. If you feel alone, I'll be alone with you. If you think it's not okay to cry, I'll cry for you. Just come back to me Xen…_

But I did. I came back and you weren't there.

I've been so alone and you weren't there. I haven't cried because I keep waiting for you to cry for me. I can't come back, because I know you won't be there for me to return to.

I never even got to say those three words back to you.

I crumpled our picture in my hand. In this moment, I would have been laughing if it did not hurt so much. Talking to a dead person, how sad. My eyes darkened though.

I felt as the darkness finally consumed me, the pain of my chocking lungs, blood filling them, slowly killing me. My fists clenched around the photos and the letters.

**I did not want to die alone. **

I did not want to meet them yet. I waited so long to die. I had lived for her when they were gone. Then when she left me too, there was nothing to live for, but I kept doing it anyways.

I was scared. What if even in death, I may never see them again?

But I slipped away then…

…and I flew.

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... ~ (●T(ｴ)T●) ~ ...

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**(First PoV)**

I was floating. I knew I was dead.

I was a Christian, but it had not prepared me for this; this sense of an afterlife. Is this what they meant by eternity?

I remembering dying. One minute I was in a car, writing a letter to a certain someone, his name (how I knew it was a he) eluded me, but I knew I was writing a letter. The process had been so familiar, so instinctual, as if I had written to him many times before.

But then there was a screech, a crash, and I remember feeling so much pain then…I only felt the calmness of death as it embraced me. I knew that I was supposed to go, move to the next "life". I remember that when I first flew away from my body, there was a silent urge for me to keep flying upwards and towards the unending light of darkness.

It was darkness as it was light. When people described the whole "Follow the Light," they were lying. It was not just light. There was also darkness.

However, I couldn't. I could feel the urge to go with it, to go towards that world of beautiful light and darkness, but something held me back. I remember that the last thing I saw were seven people standing ahead of me, waiting.

I panicked. I remember panicking, so badly that my spirit and the world of light and darkness shook with my fear. I could not go to them. I knew the seven were disappointed, but something else held me back and when the path towards the light and darkness closed, I was not afraid.

No, instead I floated between the stars, swam across universes, and simply existed within the cosmos. It sounds ridiculous, but that was how I existed for a long time. I was waiting for something…someone. I did not know who, just that I made a promise.

However, after days and days of existing among everything and yet nothing, I felt the tug. It hurt and it was painful. My safe existence was suddenly being pulled and prodded. I could hear a faint voice…

_I don't want to die alone_, a voice called out to me. It was the first sound I've heard since the darkness and light path closed for me. His voice was so sad and so tired.

I struggled towards where his voice came from, but then something pulled at me and I felt as a burst of light dragged me downwards.

Down…down…down, I fell.

I was no longer swimming in eternity, I no longer felt the comfort of the stars and the cosmos. Instead, I fell only into light. Not a darkness that was light or a light that was dark. No.

I fell into the light and I felt as something akin to tears fell from my existence. It hurt. It hurt so badly. Physically (when did I get a body) it hurt, but emotionally, I felt hurt too because once again, I had failed him. I could not reach him when he had called out to me, the voice I had been waiting for.

But as I fell into the light, the pain bursting and exploding into me and out of me, I remembered everything.

A reflection of who I was. Then a face with dark hair and brown eyes, a little boy who cried, a teenage adolescent who pulled me into a kiss, a man who shoved me away. Tears, I remember our tears that day as we buried seven coffins. Then the images spun faster and faster.

Images flashed across my vision as everything got brighter and brighter. I was becoming blind (I could see again?) as I heard screams (I could hear?) and then _I_ screamed, cried (I had a voice?!) and then the memories all escaped from the cosmos and into me—

And I remembered. Then…

…I was born.

The light was blurry, but it was a light and I kept crying. Crying and screaming because I had not felt so _alive_ in so long.

My rebirth was filled with light and much, much, noise. However, the light was still so blurry and my vision could only see the murky outlines of people, but soft hands, warm hands cradled me even as I heard shouting and crying. There were two presences next to mine. I could hear voices in a foreign language.

It reminded me so much of him.

And then I realized that I could remember, I could think. I could see (a little), and hear. I heard my own voice, a cry only along with another crying, one louder than mine and right next to me. But most of all, I could _feel_.

I felt as soft hands cradled me, two warm bodies pressing against me. One was smaller than the other, the larger presence touched me and I heard her voice over the combined crying of me and the other smaller figure next to me. Her voice was…in awe and, I felt a tug at my heart, pain.

"They're so small, so feeble. My babies," she cried out softly, so softly, and I felt as she began to cry. "They're too small. No matter what happens, I will always protect the two of you…my Gaara, my Kinnara."

Wait. Gaara, Kinnara?…where—

And more memories filled me. Ninjas, mangas, anime. A boy with blonde hair and whiskers, a gourd of sand, and a red eyes.

**Naruto**…

My crying only increased, mostly because even though a part of me was in disbelief, the other part of me, her daughter, cried because at that moment, I felt as she died.

"Karura!"

More shouting happened. Next to me, the other body—Gaara's?—cried even louder.

**No way…**

I felt as I was picked up and I cried even more because I did not want to leave her yet. I did not want to become separated from Gaara.

But that's the thing.

**Gaara…**

There was just no way had I just been reborn, much less into the Narutoverse…and as Gaara of the Sand's twin.

**TBC**

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_**A/N: This is a first for an SI OC, but I just fell in love with some of the SI OC out there, especially the ones by darkpetal16. I say check her out. But besides that, let's see where this story goes.**_

**Dedicated to: K.M.L and T.K **


	2. Sand

**_Disclaimer: _If you want Naruto, go to Kishimoto.**

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**_"Time had been something we feared, but with the babies, the things that held time together - the years, the months, the weeks, the days - melted and flowed toward the future." - Kao Kalia Yang_**

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**_2 - Sand_**

**_~Kinnara~_**

My time as an infant was a blur. I don't remember much, just glimpses from being held by unknown arms. I slept most of the time, dreaming dreamless things. It was almost like the afterlife again, except that I had senses. And minus the stars and the cosmos, but that was not important.

I was alive and I could _feel_.

I could only see as much as my body developed though and that was not much. I wish more than anything to forget the food, err, milk? It might have tasted good if I did not remember better things, but I did so my baby-self had hated drinking the formulas and milk they gave me and Gaara.

Gaara…

We were always together. It was always us. I didn't understand anyone, but I understood Gaara. He kept me sane. I've never been so tuned with someone.

He liked curling up against me when we slept. So the first thing I woke up to was always Gaara and then I would always fall asleep with him.

The first time I could see clearly, the first time the world of light was not a mere blur, it was Gaara's face that met my eyes. We had both been lying down on our stomachs, next to each other, sleeping. When I opened my eyes, I saw his auburn hair first then his tiny features.

He. Was. _Adorable_.

I've always thought he was cute from watching the anime and seeing the manga, but up close and real, Gaara was the freaking cutest and adorablest (I know it's not a word) baby ever.

I had always adored Gaara, a favorite character of mine, but I realized I had never _loved_ him. At least, not like this. He had never been so real to me.

When I saw him for the first time as Kinnara, there was nothing, but love for him, my brother. I did not have siblings in my other life. Gaara, and I realize Temari and Kankuro, were new experiences. I never saw Temari and Kankuro though…but I was expecting that.

However, as the days flew us by, seeing then talking (baby gibberish really) flew by and time flowed. My attention spam was short.

Everything called to me. After so many years, days, just wondering the cosmos, I was finally able to feel and touch the world again. I really did feel like a baby. But what really got my attention, much to my surprise, was the sand. Or at least, the incident with sand that changed everything.

Now, here was something I've always wandered…but when exactly did Suna start realizing that the sand protected Gaara? Well, I got my answer.

It was when we first started learning to crawl. Gaara and I were where we always were, on top of the softest and warmest cloud (Okay, so in the back of my adult mind with memories of my adult life and my adult intelligence, I knew it was just a bed and a blanket, but after years of literally floating around in the cosmos, could you blame a girl?).

I don't know how old we were. Time was non-existent to me. But we were growing. And I was the first to start crawling. However, my first adventure with crawling led everyone to realize (I think this may be how they discovered with Gaara) that the sand was more than just an inanimate grain for Gaara and I. No, it was also a protection, the strongest to ever exist in the Narutoverse, I would argue.

But I don't remember much except that I was excited. I was _moving_. I could move. I was dumb really, but I couldn't help it. It's been so long since I've been able to just move myself and feel the strains of a body.

So I went overboard on the crawling. Literally.

I remember falling and feeling an immense fear about why the world suddenly had no ground. And then I felt it.

The sand.

It was rough, the sand scratching against my fragile skin, skin that was only used to warm hands and soft blankets. The roughness was what scared me. I did the only thing babies did when scared. I cried, loud and clear.

Next thing I knew, Gaara was crying too, our crying coming together in unison. Then came the loud sound of crashing feet. Stealthy shinobis of Suna indeed…

"Kinnara-sama! Gaara-sama!"

"Kinnara!"

"Gaara!"

Voices, when Gaara's and my world had been so quiet, filled our safe haven. I could tell, by the sound of everyone moving around me, that they were trying to approach me, but did not know how. I could hear the murmur of fear and awe along with shock from everyone.

Then words that changed my whole world, were spoken.

"Is it the demon?"

"Watch out, what if—"

"Don't go near Gaara—"

"Stay back!"

I don't remember what happened next, only that the sand continued to cradle me as I heard their voices and felt their fear. I remember snuggling deeper into the sand, my heart twisting in pain at their words. Gaara continued crying and I wanted nothing more than to be next to him again, but I fell asleep in the sand's cradle.

I had forgotten about Shukaku and that the sand demon was in both of us. Chiyo's seal was said to be weak from my old world, but it was strong enough at the beginning of my life though. I was never bothered by Shukaku until later.

But remembering that he was in both Gaara and I explained everything.

It was only later when I realized how strange those memories were. Gaara and I were always alone. Gaara did not cry much and, well, neither did I. But we were _always_ alone. Or whoever was watching us was very good at hiding themselves.

And we were always in the same place, a round bed. We had our feeding, but then that was the only time we had other human contact. Sometimes though, I would feel the presence of a man—our father?—and he would hold me and Gaara. I remember soft words, the voice so deep and his chest would move with each breath and I remember just falling asleep to his voice, feeling so protected.

However, after the sand incident—I guess everyone found out Gaara could do the same—there were no more secret nights within those warm masculine arms and I did not hear that deep voice again.

After that incident with our first encounter of the sand, Gaara and I were even more alone. I stopped remembering the days of our toddler days.

But the things I did remember though, was that I slept a lot. And that meant I dreamt.

However, I did not dream about random things. I dreamt about my old life.

I dreamed about my parents, about school, about Naruto, and about _him_.

Xen once told me about alternative universes. He believed in most of the sci-fi theories of time travel, parallel universes, and worm holes. If he was not so obsessed with the medical field, he would have fit right into quantum physics. He loved the impossibilities that existed in our world.

Then again, Xen was very superstitious to begin with. He believed in a lot of things, just not in himself. I've tried understanding my new life through Xen's eyes.

Xen believed in reincarnation and…that was the only reasonable explanation for this.

But my past "life" was not helping me here and I don't think physics from my old world will help me much in this world…when I figure out what exactly was going on. I was not complaining though.

I am in my favorite manga, with a favorite character. But I did question a lot though.

If this was reincarnation, I should not have previous memories of my life, right?! Or was this a dream and I was actually in a coma back at a hospital? Where is the damn hand book for being reborn when you need it?

But it was okay because I realized my answers would come. My life as Kinnara had not begun yet. So, I did what any toddler did. I slept.

And I dreamed. When I dreamed, I was always looking from above and never from within.…

_…I looked down at the photo album, tracing his face in one of the larger family photos with his first cousins from his paternal side. There were so many of them._

_ "What's this?"_

_Xen smiled softly, his gaze warming at the photo. I wanted to laugh at the ridiculous photo, the photographer trying to squeeze all of the people in. It was so large that trying to get faces were hard. _

_"My family. It's my father's clan, you can say," he said. _

_"Clan? Like in Naruto?"_

_He rolled his eyes at me. "Yes, like in Naruto, but not exactly. You know how we have eighteen main clans?"_

_I nodded, turning my attention to him._

_"Well, there are a lot of us out there, but this photo is from my father's particular branch of the Xiong clan."_

_"So," I began, "like the Hyuuga clan and their different branches?"_

_"The what?" His eyes scrunched up in confusion._

_"Xen! That's it, we're doing a marathon," I said, snapping the album shut. _

_"I watched on episode already," he muttered as I tried to get him up. _

_"Then how can you forget about the Hyuuga? You were watching Neji and Hinata during the Chunin exams!"_

_"I was? Were they the ones with the weird eyes?"_

_I groaned…_

_…I listened as he replied back in his language, his voice suddenly changing. Listening to Xen talk his main language, I realized that his voice sounded so much more confident and smoother. I shifted a little as he replied to his brother, Su. _

_"Tej zaum. Kuv tsis," he stopped though when a small body tackled him. "Ua li cas?"_

_He knelt a little to listen to his little sister as she whispered something in Hmong. His face was serious, his brows coming together, before a smile flashed across his face. He turned back to me as she let him go and suddenly ran off, not waiting for an introduction between us._

_I looked after her before turning back to him. I eyed his sudden smirk. Su smiled also._

_"I'll see you. Nice to meet you," the younger boy said before following their little sister to the backyard. _

_"What did she say," I asked Xen._

_"She said you're very pretty," he whispered, stepping closer to me._

_I blinked again, feeling as my face warmed. "Really? Well, I think she's prettier."_

_Xen laughed at my response. "I'll tell her you said that…"_

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**"Dreams are intermittently our greatest desires and worst reality."**

* * *

_…I stood still as he faced away from me, away from everyone. They, we, were giving him space, no one daring to go near Xen as he cried. The boy—man—I loved knelt on the ground, hands on his knees. His shoulders shook even as no sound came from him._

_Voices, of a language I don't speak but loved, filled the wide room. Usually, I would find Xen's language beautiful, but today, nothing was. I don't think anything will ever be beautiful again. Especially for Xen. _

_I wanted to go to him, but knew that everyone would disapprove and in return, Xen would disapprove. These were the only people he had left. _

_I stood alone, just like Xen mourned alone. _

_They were about to bury them, about to close the coffins. I stared at the seven coffins, the smallest one breaking my heart. _

_I stared at them, the seven of them, all laid out in front of Xen like an altar._

_I knew that Xen would never be the same again…_

I jerked awake, my dream waking me. My eyes blinked back tears. I stared up into the ceiling, my heart racing as my breaths came in heavy tattoos. After a while, I turned to my side, searching the darkness in my room.

I was four now. And at first, the dreams were good. So good. Memories of my past life, the happy ones, filled my years and my nights. However, the dreams, the memories, also contained bad ones.

Every night, every day, guilt and pain clawed at me. It was the same. Dreams of my old life, of the other world. _He_ always woke me up.

I knew there was nothing I could do, nothing to change the things that I've done and the fact that I could not stop myself from dying…but I still can't believe that I left him behind.

I felt as tears appeared in my eyes. Sniffling, I closed my eyes against the darkness. I could hear Gaara sleeping beside me. Gaara never snored, but his breathing was also a slight louder. I ran a hand over my face and wiped the tears as best as I could. I did not want Gaara to miss the big day tomorrow because of no sleep.

But the tears kept coming and I held in my sobs.

Of all the things I regret the most, it was leaving him behind. I wonder how he was now, if he was married? Children? Did he miss me—?

"Ki, why are you crying?"

At Gaara's voice and his cute nickname for me, I furiously wiped my tears. I felt as he came to my side, taking hold of my hand.

"What's wrong, Ki?"

"Ki is okay, Gaa," I whispered to him as my fingers tightened around his.

We laid together in the darkness, both listening to each other's breathing as we've done for the past four years. Gaara knew I was not okay, but he must have known I did not want to talk about it. Instead, being Gaara, he tried to distract me.

"Are we really going out tomorrow?"

"Hai," I replied softly, turning onto my back, our hands still linked. "It's okay Gaa, Ki will protect you."

Gaara bristled, shifting at my words as he turned to his side to look at me in the darkness.

"Who is Y-Yashimura?"

"Yashamaru," I corrected him softly. "He's okaa-sa's otouto."

"Like how I'm your otouto?"

I laughed softly at his reply. Gaara was so cute. "Iie, Gaa. You're my nii-san, I'm your imouta."

Or at least I think I am. It would make sense that Gaara was born ahead of me. I felt as he copied me, lying on his back, our hands still intersected.

"Oh," came his cute reply. Then moments later, "Do you think okaa-sa's otouto will," Gaara wavered a little as he whispered the last part, "like us?"

"Yes," I replied without hesitance. "He will love us as okaa-sa loves us."

At first, when I did not know the truth about Yashamaru, I had thought he was a dick. After all, who could be so cruel to this little guy? But then again, I had thought the same about Itachi. However, the two of them are probably my most admirable characters.

"How…how do you know okaa-sa loves us," Gaara asked with sadness in his voice. My fingers tightened around his. Gaara, poor Gaara.

"Because Gaa, she protects us all the time."

This got his attention. "She does?"

I nodded, but then realized he could not see. "Hai. She's the sand, Gaa. She's all around us. Has the sand ever let anything hurt us?"

Gaara, who understood how the sand has always protected us, took my word for it. "Oh."

He remained quiet for a while before suddenly moving towards me in the dark and curling around me. I hugged him also, resting my head next to his.

"Night Gaa," I whispered to him as I felt his breathing become deeper, Gaara falling asleep.

Watching him asleep, I felt immense love for him. I knew I should treasure these moments. When the seal weakens, so will Gaara's ability to sleep with Shukaku bothering him. But I'm here and as the second holder of the jinchuuriki, I was not going to allow Shukaku to mess with Gaara.

I moved my free hand, the one not in Gaara's, to touch his hair and move the covers closer to him.

I did not have siblings in my old life. I was an only child and quite spoilt from what others told me. I laid on my side and stared at my twin brother, the only sibling I've ever known. Gaara and I had only seen Temari and Kankuro once when the Kazekage had taken them to meet us a month ago.

At the moment, because I was so protective of Gaara, I did not care much for Temari and Kankuro. I knew they would one day become great siblings, but because we were all too young to understand anything, Temari and Kankuro were unsure of how to treat us. Their aloofness had hurt Gaara during our first meeting, and even though I knew it was more to do with uncertainty than dislike, I couldn't help but be angry.

I loved Gaara and I knew that he loved me too. I constantly told him I loved him too because I remembered how the young Gaara from my world did not even know that word. I was not trying to take over Yashamaru's role as Gaara's beloved uncle, but I was just making a place for myself as his dear sister. Siblings, after all, had only each other in the end.

A pair of small brown eyes that belonged to an adorable face flashed in my mind.

I felt my chest tightened, tears biting at my eyes. I could not help it. I thought about _him_…and then I focused back on Gaara, on what it meant to have a sibling. I thought about the Uchiha brothers.

I never understood before, Itachi's love for Sasuke. I was touched by it, moved by it, and even swore by Itachi's love…but I had never understood it. Then there was Madara and Izuna; Madara loving his brother so much he was willing to destroy everything in the name of his deceased loved one.

I had sisters and brothers, friends who I considered family, but that was different from the sisters and brothers that _were_ family. Before, I never understood it, but I do now.

My fingers clenched around my pillow as I brought it up against my chest. Just imagining Gaara hurt or dead…I felt so angry at the prospect, so hurt…and also so scared at how empty my life would be without him. I was only four, four years with him, but I could not imagine life without Gaara. He was my nii-san, my twin, my other half.

I closed my eyes shut and I thought about _him_ again.

I was beginning to understand how he became what he became, how he had said those words to me then, how he refused to return home. I remember his eyes, they had become so empty since that horrible day. They never smiled at me the same, never lit up like they once did.

I began to understand why Sasuke had loved Itachi so much before the massacre and even after. Even though I knew Gaara would probably become crazy one day from Shukaku (not if I can help it), I couldn't bring myself to hate him. It's how Sasuke could never actually hate Itachi without loving him.

I understood now. I finally understood how the truth behind the massacre made Sasuke hate Konoha even if it meant going against what his brother desired, even if it meant ruining Itachi's sacrifice.

I remember Sasuke's words to Itachi when the older Uchiha was canceling the Edo Tensei. How even though he knew Itachi would want him to protect Konoha, Sasuke, as Itachi's little brother, would have been willing to destroy the place that had hurt his brother so much. Even if it had meant fighting Itachi himself.

The love for a sibling, especially one who had been wronged and used, surpasses even the desires of that person. For Sasuke to become what he had become, it made sense.

I would not be able to forgive anyone who hurt Gaara…

…so why had I asked _him_ to forgive that man?

**TBC**

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**_A/N__ - (*There was a four year time skip* - hope no confusion)_**

**_-"Tej zaum. Kuv tsis...ua li cas?" _is Hmong. It's translated to,_ "Maybe. I don't...what's wrong?"-_**

**_Note: _I won't be posting again until maybe late next week. I have a final to worry about. **

******P.S. An intersting fact about Kinnara's name. One reason I chose it was because of the kanji spelling for it: **緊那羅******(Kinnara). The last Kanji is the same one used in Gaara's name: **我愛羅****** (Gaara) and Karura's (**加流羅)******. As for my second reason, can anyone figure out the other relationship her name has with Gaara's and Karura's?**

******...Until next time...**


	3. Mirror

**Disclaimer**: If you want to buy Naruto, then don't look here. I don't own Naruto.

**Thank you Tough chick for your two wonderful reviews. I really appreciate them ;)**

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**"Emotions are captive to reality," - Kao Kalia Yang**

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**3 - Mirror**

**~Kinnara~**

I was excited. We were meeting Yashamaru for the first time, something I was wondering about for a while. I knew he tried to kill Gaara, but I've always seen Yashamaru as a Suna version of Itachi with less of a story background.

However, I still liked him. Gaara was standing behind me, his hand in mine. As soon as we had left the room, the first for the both of us, Gaara had stuck to holding me.

We waited as the Kazekage entered the room, a room we had been led to and left alone. He paused, his dark eyes taking us in. He wore his full kage suit so only his eyes were visible. I felt as Gaara flinched at his stern stare, but I only squeezed his hand reassuringly. I faced the Kazekage, my father, full on and smiled. It was a genuine one too.

I still think the Kazekage was a douche, but at the end, he at least repented for what he did to Gaara. I was just happy to learn the truth about Yashamaru and Karura. It was clear how much the Kazekage regretted failing Gaara as a father and Karura as a husband. So I smiled the best I could for the man that I knew he could be, instead of the man he was.

I was not expecting any form of reaction. So for him to suddenly stiffen, his stern eyes suddenly faltering as if he had just seen a ghost, surprised me. He turned away though, his back to us, before I could analyze his sudden change.

There were no words said as the Kazekage collected him (I think). Moments of silence went by, before he finally turned back to us, his face stern again. My smile never left my face, softening only a little because my cheek bones started to tire.

"Gaara," he whispered then his eyes, unflinching this time, met mine. "Kinnara."

"Otousan," I replied back, my voice happy. Gaara, following my lead, minus the joy, also whispered a greeting.

"O-otousama," he stuttered a little in his hesitance to address the Kazekage as father.

I felt as Gaara stuck closer to me. I only responded with a swing of our interlaced fingers.

I could see how the Kazekage's eyes widen for a brief moment, his eyes taking us in. He never visited us, and that one time with Kankuro and Temari, he had not addressed us at all so it was the first time we've ever called him father.

When he only remained silent, the three of us waited. I could feel how the Kazekage's stern eyes were studying us, but I refuse to fall under it, instead, I wanted to show him that we were not—at least, not yet—under Shukaku's mental attack. So I kept smiling at him, making sure the smile was not too bright, but not non-existent either.

I don't know how long time passed us until Yashamaru came into the room. I had never been happier to see someone in both of my lives. As soon as the man entered the room, his eyes first focusing on the Kazekage and greeting him, I brought Gaara and me forward.

"Konichiwa!"

I flushed a little.

God, I did not realize how childish and high my voice was. I guess having Gaara as my only company in four years would do that to me.

I kept back my frown though, not wanting to ruin the moment with it in case Yashamaru found it strange or that it can cause Gaara to become even more scared.

My voice, even though I was sure had nothing lethal in it, froze the young shinobi. It was as if he was in slow motion as he turned to us, his eyes widening when he finally saw us. At the shock and surprise in his eyes, I realized that he did not know he was meeting us today. I could feel Gaara fidgeting behind me and I quickly bowed my head. I felt as Gaara copied my lead again.

"Hajime mashite," I said politely before looking back up into the still dazed and almost stricken eyes of Yashamaru. "Yoroshiku onegaishimasu."

I greeted him as was expected. Gaara muttered the same greeting after me. Aw, he was just too adorable.

As soon as Gaara started speaking, Yashamaru seemed to have snapped out of whatever fervor he was in because he was smiling at us…and wow.

Okay. Yashamaru had the best smile. Like ever. With that very smile, he turned to the both of us.

"Gaara-sama," he said softly first, before addressing me, "Kinnara-sama."

I saw from the corner of my eyes, the Kazekage's stern eyes had watched the greeting before quickly turning to Yashamaru.

"Yashamaru," he began with an edge to his voice, "these are your new charges."

Yashamaru made no reply, simply turning back to the Kazekage. I did not need to see his face to know that his smile had fallen. He made no reply, simply staring at the Kazekage as the older shinobi continued.

"I've assign you as squad leader of the medical team tasked to guard Gaara and Kinnara. Their well-being are important to the future of Sunagakure. I am placing them under your direct care and supervision."

With those words, the Kazekage turned to leave. I felt anger erupted from me. He was just going to leave like that? Well…

"Farewell, otousan," I called after him, bowing my head.

Gaara, his small hands tightening against mine, bowed his head also, but remained silent. I watched as the Kazekage froze at the door, his hesitance clear. It was a brief moment, as if he was wondering about turning back, before he disappeared and left, not even giving Gaara and me another glance.

I turned my eyes away from the door and met Yashamaru's surprised gaze.

I simply responded with a smile. Gaara shifted behind me, hiding. I turned slightly and nudged Gaara. My twin simply shook his head, peeking at Yashamaru from behind me. I saw as the surprise look in the shinobi's eyes softened to something else.

"Gaa," I said with playful scolding, "don't be scared. Yasha-san is not a bad man."

Yashamaru's eyes seem to soften even more, if that was even possible. He walked towards us, Gaara tightening around me. But I only smiled reassuringly at Gaara as our uncle came to kneel in front of us. He was wearing his shinobi gear, but his smile was very disarming.

His eyes creased as he smiled at Gaara, "Gaara-sama, Kinnara-sama is right. I am not here to hurt you."

Gaara seem to study him for a while before turning to me and at the nod of my head, he slowly loosened his hold on me, but kept one hand in mine. He stepped to stand beside me and looked up at Yashamaru. Even kneeling, the shinobi was still taller than Gaara and I.

"Yasha-san," Gaara whispered his name quietly, as if tasting it.

Then Gaara did something that surprised Yashamaru and I. A shy smile appeared on Gaara's face as he continued to look up at Yashamaru.

"Yoroshiku onegaishimasu," he said, this time with confidence.

I grinned down at Gaara and then caught the surprised, but content look on Yashamaru's face at Gaara's sudden acceptance of him. The shinobi stood up, looking down at the two of us with clear adoration, even though I could see the hesitance in his feelings for us, on his face.

"Where would Gaara-sama and Kinnara-sama like to do today?"

At this, I blinked at him in shock. Besides me, Gaara jerked with surprise.

"Ki and I are not going back to that room," Gaara asked when I only continued to stare at Yashamaru in shock.

Yashamaru, noticing the shock on my face and surprise in Gaara, was suddenly chuckling. Even as he laughed though, I could see guilt in his eyes. He nodded down at us earnestly, his smile turning genuine again.

"Iie. Under Kazekage-sama's orders, you've been placed under my care." He paused a little, his eyes lingering on me longer than it should have, before turning back to Gaara. "Gaara-sama and Kinnara-sama will be living with me from now on."

Gaara, I could feel his happiness, smiled even more. I only nodded, smiling a little at Gaara's excitement. I knew he hated how alone we've been and the fact that we've only truly lived in one place. Gaara wanted more than anything to see the world…to meet more people.

"Where should we go today," Yashamaru asked again.

Before I could say something, Gaara spoke first, his voice hesitant at first.

"Can…can we visit nee-san and nii-san," Gaara asked quietly, his smiling still wide.

I clenched my fist, my fingers tightening on Gaara's when I heard the question. He turned to me, looking at me with confusion even as his smile stayed in place. But I already knew that his smile was going to disappear soon and Yashamaru did not…disappoint.

A sad look cross his face, more guilt in his eyes. Yashamaru shook his head, kneeling back down to look at Gaara in the face.

"I'm sorry Gaara-sama, but we cannot visit Temari-sama and Kankuro-sama today," he whispered, trying to loosen the blow as much as he could.

But it did not matter. The smile still fell off of Gaara's face. His face scrunched in confusion and hurt. I wanted to hug him so bad, but remained by his side, only comforting him through our hands.

"Nani? Tomorrow then," Gaara asked, a frown appearing on his lips.

Yashamaru's face twisted a little, his smile becoming forced. I watched as his eyes creased together. "I'm sorry Gaara-sama, but Temari-sama and Kankuro-sama are very busy training."

"Training," Gaara questioned.

Yashamaru nodded quickly, guilt still in his eyes. "Hai. They're preparing to become shinobis."

"Why?" Gaara's confused face was so sad and cute at the same time.

"So that they can one day protect Sunagakure," Yashamaru said with a smile as he stood back up. Before Gaara could ask more questions that would only bring heartache to Yashamaru and me, the shinobi said, "Would you like to see your new home?"

At the word 'home', Gaara's shy smile appeared again as he stepped closer to me. He nodded as I beamed up at Yashamaru.

"Hai!"

…

I stood behind Gaara as he entered his new room. Yashamaru was already in the small single bedroom, showing Gaara where everything was. The two were looking over Gaara's sand bed.

I stood by the door, watching Gaara. He was adorable, listening so intently to Yashamaru's words and whenever he looked at Yashamaru, I saw his already beginning adoration for our uncle.

I was happy for Gaara. He had wanted to meet other people so badly. He used to ask me all the time why we were alone, why no one came to see us. I could never answer him. Only distract him.

My eyes strayed passed Yashamaru and Gaara, becoming unfocused as I thought back to moments ago.

The first time we stepped out into the world, Gaara had been amazed by all the sand. I had been too. I have seen the village plenty of times from the screen and pages, but to have stepped foot on it was another thing. We've only lived in a dark room with no windows so I've never had a chance to actually see Suna. But as soon as Yashamaru took us out, my first thought had been:

Sand.

The ground was sand, the buildings made of sand like brick. Whenever the wind blew, grains of sand will collect and blow up from the ground and even tiny grains would fly off of buildings and follow the sand from the street. I had never thought all this sand would be so beautiful, but it was.

Gaara, at the sand, had been excited and whispered to me, trying to not let Yashamaru hear (but I knew he did because of the small grin that appeared), if he could play with the sand later in the open. I had only shrugged, holding his hand tightly.

It was the first time that I had ever felt angry at Suna, the village itself, also.

Walking with Gaara down the street was difficult. Mostly because I was constantly trying to keep Gaara from seeing how everyone was looking at us and avoiding us. Yashamaru, having expected this, kept Gaara busy with stories about the sand and our village.

I think Yashamaru knew that it was only Gaara he had to…keep from seeing too much. I caught how he looked at me once and a while, concern in his eyes at my sudden lack of reaction. However, I kept my smile up, partly because I did not want to alert Gaara that something was wrong and secondly because I wanted to show everyone that Gaara and I were not a threat.

However, the glares, stares, and whispers followed us anyways.

Standing inside of Yashamaru's house now, I was finally able to breathe.

Leaving Gaara with Yashamaru, I turned to my own bedroom, right across from Gaara. I realized that he had probably just got it done. Maybe, Yashamaru had known that he was going to take care of us.

My hands trailed the wooden dresser next to my strange looking sand bed (yes, sand also). But my thoughts wandered back to Yashamaru. It seemed that he had truly been expecting us. So why did he look so shock and surprised when we first met?

My question was answered as soon as I thought them. I took one look at the mirror, confusion in my eyes before I froze, my whole body stiffening.

I had never actually looked at myself before. Hell, there were no reflection or mirrors in that damn room. It was always just Gaara and me. So my appearances had not mattered much to me.

However, my foolish mind had only seen myself as who I was. I kept imaging myself as the way I appeared before. My dreams did not help either because the dreams were memories of me from before.

I had forgotten that I did not look like myself anymore. Not the old me at least. I continued staring at the mirror, before hesitantly, my fingers reached up to touch the reflection of my face.

My small fingers traced my eyes. Violet, the prettiest violet I've ever seen and only seen once before in Naruto. Well, twice because Yashamaru had the same eyes.

The two of us shared her eyes.

I had Karura's—mama's—eyes. Not just her eyes though.

I continued staring at myself, fingers frozen on the cool surface of the mirror.

I finally understood why the Kazekage was so disturbed by me. Disturbed by my voice, my smile, and even my very existence. I finally understood why Yashamaru had that look in his eyes whenever he watched me when he thought I wouldn't notice.

While Gaara was the spitting image of the Kazekage, I was the mirror image of Karura.

I stared at my reflection. I stared at my long sandy-blonde hair, the longest strands reaching pass my shoulders. My fair-skin seem to glow underneath my gaze, sunlight creaking through the small slit of windows on the upper part of the bedroom walls.

When I had first saw Gaara's mom, I had been so surprised. She was so pretty, so kind-looking, different from the psychotic Gaara. I stared at myself even more.

I knew, without a doubt, that when I got older, my looks would only enhance, becoming more of Karura. I would probably look a lot like Temari also, minus the eyes.

At the thought of my older sister, realization crossed my face. I saw as violet eyes widened in the mirror.

When Temari and Kankuro first saw me, the two had been so silent, so quiet. I had first thought of it as just them being uncertain, but I realize now what my appearance would have done to the two of them. They've just lost their mother, a kind and loving woman.

I could only imagine that if Karura loved Gaara as much as she did, she loved Temari and Kankuro the same also and unlike Gaara, the two had memories with her. It was no wonder that they were so unwilling to talk to me and Gaara, not wanting to even look at us.

Gaara, for looking so much like their stern and suddenly transformed father and me, for being the spitting image of the mother they just lost, a mother who they probably loved to only be told she died because of _us_.

Us, Gaara and I.

The monsters that stole their mother.

I did not realize how stressed my thoughts were making me, my eyes not focused on my facial expressions. I did not even hear or feel as Yashamaru came into my room. It was his voice that snapped me out of my thoughts.

"You have her smile," he whispered softly.

My eyes snapped to attention and I quickly got rid of the sad frown and masked my distressed emotions on my face. I was unsure of what he was talking about, wondering and panicking about how he knew that I knew Karura, mama. Then I remembered that he had shown us a picture of her, the same one from my old memories.

Gaara had stared at the picture with confusion, his eyes creased in concentration, as if he was unsure of how to feel. I had only gone to the picture and bowed a little, greeting Karura, calling her okaa-sa as I've always called her in front of Gaara. Gaara being Gaara, followed my lead. Yashamaru had watched the whole thing with mute emotions.

I turned to Yashamaru, my eyes—the same as his—masked.

"I have her eyes too," I whispered. "Like you, Yasha-ji-san."

Yashamaru's face seem to morph from sadness to sudden kind softness, a smile appearing. He really did look like Karura.

He nodded slowly.

"We both do, but you look more like her," he whispered.

I did not know how to reply. I could feel that, in this moment, he was not seeing me, but his beloved older sister.

Luckily, Gaara chose that moment to come in, moving past Yashamaru to hug my side. The two of us, Yashamaru and I, looked at Gaara with surprise. I felt, rather than saw, the strong emotions of distress coming from Gaara.

I returned his hug, fitting him into my small arms. We were the same height, but Gaara always seemed to be able to make himself appear and feel smaller.

"What's wrong Gaa?"

Gaara looked up at me, a frown on his cute face. "Do I sleep alone now?"

I blinked down at him and then it hit me. We had separate bedrooms. I turned to Yashamaru and he must have seen the same question in my eyes. He quickly came to us, kneeling in front of us. I was starting to see that Yashamaru knelt a lot.

He was watching Gaara with kind eyes, "Kinnara-sama and Gaara-sama may still be together when they sleep. It's just that maybe one day when the two of you are older, you would like to have separate rooms?"

Gaara shook his head, pouting a little at Yashamaru. His hold on my tightened. "I…I don't want to sleep without Ki."

His last words were a mere whisper, hesitant that Yashamaru would force us to separate now. I only smiled at Gaara and continued holding him.

"Iie, Gaa," I said with a smile. "We can sleep together! Right, Yasha-ji-san?"

When Yashamaru only agreed, Gaara stepped away from me. His stomach had growled then and with a soft chuckle, Yashamaru had said he would prepare dinner. Gaara, never having seen how food was made, was eager to watch. I had trailed behind, a smile on my face. But thoughts hindered my mind.

I did not want to sleep without Gaara either, his presence always so uplifting after I woke up from my dreams. Gaara kept me tied to this world, his warmth and his sleeping form next to mine, always reminding me that I was not who I was. That I could not change what happened in another life time.

I heard as Gaara asked me something. I broke away from my thoughts and turned to help Gaara as Yashamaru slipped an apron over his head, doing the same for me. I watched as Gaara finger the apron, and heard as Yashamaru chuckled again.

I felt burdened, saddened, by their future. I felt as my fists clenched.

I had to change their fate…but, the question is…

Should I?

…

_That night, I dreamed about him again. This time though, it was not my memory. It was so horrible. It couldn't be real. It had to be a dream, a nightmare. Because it just couldn't be real._

_There had been so much blood, his body so broken and aged. He did not look like my Xen anymore, but I knew he was. The tears that had fallen from his eyes were the same tears I've seen fallen from his face before._

_The pictures in his hands…the familiar letters. It was him. _

_But it couldn't have been him. _

_It just…couldn't._

I woke up screaming, crying his name over and over again into the darkness that held no light.

…

**_~Third Person~_**

The screaming woke them up.

Kaito shot up, eyes snapping to attention. Before he could get up, his wife was already out of bed and out of the door. He followed Hizuki into their son's room, the small boy continuing to cry and scream.

The two of them burst into the room, Kaito's eyes already activated as he looked for intruders. When seeing none, he quickly returned his eyes to normal as he came to sit beside mother and son. Hizuki was holding a shaking Ryuu. The four year old boy was softly whimpering, his sobs no longer audible even as his body continued to shake.

Kaito's eyes softened at his only child. Hizuki and he were in their late forties now, too old to have such a young son. The doctors had told them that they would never have children, Kaito being barren due to an accident during a Chunin mission. But Hizuki had married him still, even knowing that their marriage would be a childless one.

But all these years later, a miracle happened and they were given a child. Kagami, Kaito's brother, had been ecstatic for him. Kagami's son was ten years older than Ryuu. It hurt Kaito though, that his younger brother did not survive the Kyuubi attack to see the birth of Ryuu. Kagami's son, Shisui, was now living with Kaito and Hizuki. With the birth of Ryuu, the two were more like brothers than cousins. Shisui would have probably been the first one to comfort Ryuu, but the boy was off on a mission.

Despite their miracle though, being a great joy for the whole family, Ryuu's birth was overlapped by the birth of Hizuki's second great-nephew, the boy several months older only. However, it was already showing that their son was a prodigy, Shisui training him already and many whispers were being spread that Ryuu would follow in the steps of Hizuki's oldest great-nephew, Itachi.

But Kaito could care less. He loved his son and was relieved that Ryuu came into their lives. Which was why he was so worried about his only child. There has been some unrest lately with their son, the usually quiet and happy boy, waking up in the middle of the night screaming.

"Ryuu-kun," Hizuki whispered as she cradled him in her arms, "what's wrong?"

Ryuu hiccuped as he snuggled deeper into her warmth, his small fists clasped around her shirt. He remained silent though, only continuing to cry softly.

Hizuki's eyes met Kaito's with frustrated fear. They've never felt so helpless. The family medic said that there was nothing wrong with him. Kaito's wrinkled rough hands moved forward to smooth Ryuu's hair.

"Son, talk to us. Haha and chichi will protect you now," he whispered as he kissed the spot he had rubbed.

Ryuu's onyx eyes peeked out from Hizuki's chest to look at his father. Kaito's chest squeezed in pain at Ryuu's fear.

"Chichi, he died."

The two adults stiffened, their eyes widening in shock then fear. Hizuki shifted Ryuu in her arms, having him face them even as she laid his head on her chest. Kaito scooted closer, enveloping mother and son in his embrace, but kept enough distance so that he could look down at Ryuu.

"Who did," Kaito asked, his eyes creased in confusion.

"The man," Ryuu whispered softly, "he was…shot by the boy. He died and it hurted."

"Hurt," Hizuki corrected as she smoothed his hair. Her eyes met Kaito's.

Kaito's eyes creased even more, wrinkles appearing. "Is it the same man from before?"

Ryuu nodded as he sniffed. "It really hurt. It hurt me here."

Ryuu covered his whole chest, prodding the small torso and frowning as he looked back up to his parents.

Kaito's eyes softened as he took Ryuu's hand in his bigger one, letting the two of them out of his embrace. "Does it still hurt?"

Ryuu shook his head.

"Then it's okay then?"

"Iie," Ryuu shook his head again, "the man died. He died and it hurt."

"Who is he," Hizuki asked her son patiently as she shifted him again on her lap so she could face him.

"He," Ryuu's eyes furrowed in confusion. "I don't know. It hurt like it was me. The man, he was sad, haha. So sad. I don't want to be sad."

"Well, you won't be," Hizuki whispered as she placed a kiss on his head. "Haha and chichi will always be here to protect you. Shisui-kun will be there too."

"And if you are sad, you can just tell us and we can make it go away," Kaito whispered as he also kissed Ryuu.

"Haha and chichi can?" Ryuu's eyes grew big. "How?"

"With kisses and hugs," Hizuki said as she demonstrated each one, causing Ryuu's face to screw up in disgust.

"Haha!"

"And with tickles," Kaito added as he proceeded to demonstrate on both of them, causing Hizuki and Ryuu to fall on the bed, both trying to escape from Kaito's tickles.

Laughter reigned into the night within the Uchiha compound.

TBC

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**A/N**:**********If you have not guessed it, I will be trying something I have yet seen: writing two SI/OC into the Narutoverse and putting them on "opposite" ends, both wanting different things from the Narutoverse. One from Konoha, another from Suna (the two villages that we know most about), one with Naruto and the other with Madara. Both knowing the future and thus having the ability to change it, but how does that change occur when BOTH sides know?**

**-"****_Hajime mashite. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu_****" is a form of greeting. Translate to: "****_How are you? I'm glad to meet you._****"-**


	4. Small Acts and Small Changes

_Disclaimer__: If I owe Naruto, I would not be on Fanfiction, you would be reading it through publication!_

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_**"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that." –MLK**_

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**4 - Small Acts and Small Changes**

**_~Kinnara~_**

I scowled as I stared at the burnt sata andagi, a traditional Japanese sweet similar to what my old world would consider a doughnut. Many of the Narutoverse things had eastern origins so finding out from Yashamaru that Temari's favorite treat was sata andagi, I had to try my hand in it. Of course, I should emphasize on the try.

Yashamaru, who had patiently allowed me to fry the dough, fought the smile trying to form on his lips. Gaara, who had also been helping, looked from his plate to mine with blinking and confused eyes.

"Ki, can the andagi be black too?"

I turned my scowl to my twin's plate and felt myself glower even more.

Gaara's had turned out perfect. The dough had turned a golden brown, stacked upon one another in their glazed glory. I turned my glowering eyes to Gaara who, at my angry expression, blinked and suddenly he looked so dejected that I sighed.

I hugged him, knocking my head against his, smiling despite my bitterness at his cuisine skills, "No, but Ki is bad at cooking. But Ga's are good!"

At my compliment, Gaara lost the dejected look, his eyes lighting up and he smiled at me and Yashamaru. The older shinobi had watched the scene, his smile finally breaking free.

As Yashamaru repeated my words (ouch) he handed one of Gaara's finished product to my hand. "We shall try it again, if you wish Kinnara-sama."

I scowled at our uncle, taking the andagi and shoving it into my mouth. At the awesome sweetness and deliciousness of it, I forgot about my anger. Oh wow. As I continued chewing, grabbing one more andagi, Gaara and Yashamaru were already preparing the ingredients for the next patch.

I grinned through a stuffed mouth at Gaara's appearance as Yashamaru retrieve the eggs and mix. Gaara's auburn hair was held back by a cloth (which I had put there because I just couldn't help it. I mean, it's not every day that you can turn a chibi Gaara into a Rosy the Riveter bandana wearing cutie). From our earlier fight, which Gaara and I won, Yashamaru and Gaara were still messy, flour on Gaara's cheeks and apron with Yashamaru still having whiter than usual hair.

I sighed, looking at the plate of andagi. I shoved one more into my mouth before heading off to help Gaara and Yashamaru.

Time to implement operation: Killing them with Kindness.

…

Gaara stood uncertainly behind the open door. He looked from me to figures of our older siblings training. Temari and Kankuro were still unaware by our presence. Yashamaru stood ahead of us, speaking softly to the shinobi guarding the door. Our uncle casted concerned glances at us before turning his attention back to the shinobi.

I smiled at Gaara. I shifted the box of andagi onto my right hand, holding it against my chest as I lifted my left palm towards Gaara.

"It's okay Gaa," I whispered, feeling as the sand around us also swirled at Gaara's feet, trying to comfort him.

Looking at my hand, he nodded, his eyes suddenly determined, but still shy, as he took my fingers into his. Holding my hand, he squeezed it slightly. I simply smiled at him and when Yashamaru turned back to us, we were ready.

"They are not expecting us, Kinnara-sama and Gaara-sama, but we can meet with them today."

Yashamaru smiled reassuringly at us and led us forward, the two of us following behind closely. I felt as Gaara stumbled a little when Temari and Kankuro finally realized they had company, the two stopping in their spar to stare at us.

"Temari-sama, Kankuro-sama," Yashamaru greeted as he bowed at them, almost kneeling.

"Yashamaru," Temari replied stiffly as she avoided looking at Gaara and I. Kankuro simply nodded in acknowledgement as he frowned at us.

Temari and Kankuro were dressed in simple ninja wear since they were only doing light combat training in the afternoon. I stared at Kankuro because I was still surprised to see him without his face paint. He really looked like Gaara and the Kazekage. But I snapped out of my daze, remembering why we were here.

"Nee-san, Nii-san," I greeted with a cheerful smile. It wasn't fake either because I truly did like the two, especially knowing how loyal they would one day be to Gaara.

Temari, at the joy in my voice, turned to us in surprise. Even Kankuro, who I knew did not like children, was surprised at my smile and happy demeanor. Gaara, next to me, bowed his head and shyly, but sweetly, repeated what I said with his adorable voice.

Temari, snapping out of her surprise, turned to Yashamaru with a frown on her lips.

"Why did you bring them here, Yashamaru? Kankuro and I are training," she began, but then I moved forward, an identical frown on my face.

I handed the box of andagi to Gaara as I did my best to fume at Temari.

"Don't yell at Yasha-ji-san, nee-san. Gaa and Ki just wanted to," I paused when Yashamaru turned to me with a smile. I bit my lips and pouted.

Temari and Kankuro, at my outburst, had turned back to me with surprise, Temari cocking an eyebrow at me with Kankuro scowling at my impudence most likely (that or he just liked scowling). She kept her eyes on me even as she listened to Yashamaru.

"Please, excuse us, but what Kinnara-sama means to say is that she and Gaara-sama wanted to see the two of you and wish Kankuro luck at the academy tomorrow as it is his first day," Yashamaru explained kindly and patiently.

I nudged Gaara and slowly, he stepped forward, the box of andagi outstretched towards them. The two, who looked more shocked than they really should be, simply stared at Gaara and I. When they simply kept staring, Gaara's face fell, the shy smile disappearing as he hesitantly pulled back. I was unsure of what to do, but then I quickly grabbed the box and shot forward, shoving the box right into Temari's hand.

My speed must have caught everyone off guard because suddenly, six shinobi had appeared next to me, two heading for Gaara, but Yashamaru had already moved to protect Gaara which left me…with four shinobi glaring at me.

Temari, who had at first numbly held the box, suddenly realized what had happened. With a frown, she snapped at the guards.

"Stand down! She is not trying to hurt us," she growled even though the last part came out more hesitant than she had wanted.

Kankuro, rolled his eyes, arms crossing as he eyed the box. Gaara, who had watched the scene with confusion and fear, called out my name. I turned to him, smiling reassuringly. Yashamaru quickly moved forward, inspecting me.

"Are you alright, Kinnara-sama," he asked as he checked my arms, "I'm sorry I could not reach you in time, but you shouldn't do things like that—"

"You made andagi for us," Temari whispered with disbelief and with something else, her voice faltering a little.

Yashamaru and I turned to her in surprise.

Kankuro and Temari stared down at the box, their eyes unreadable. Kankuro turned away suddenly as he made a grunting noise. He turned his back to us, arms still crossed, but I could read the tension on his shoulders. I blinked at them in surprise. I rethought her words, then realized something. I grabbed Gaara, pulling him to my side.

Gaara stumbled, surprised at my sudden action. He blinked at me, then turned to Temari with wide eyes before he slowly hid himself behind me. He looked down at the floor even as I grinned up at Temari.

"Gaa made them," I exclaimed proudly. I was not going to add my failed batches…and then Yashamaru opened his mouth.

"Kinnara-sama and Gaara-sama both made you some, but the ones in the box are Gaara-sama's. Kinnara-sama worked hard to make some also, but it was not as successful," Yashamaru added, as if we needed any clearing.

I scowled at him and saw him grin at me with friendly teasing. How could I stay mad at someone with a smile like that? I sighed inwardly and turned back to our older siblings.

Temari slowly closed the lid, her eyes still holding something in them that I could not decipher and Kankuro still had his back to us, shoulders still tense. She looked from Gaara and I before nodding.

"Thank you," she whispered almost hesitantly.

I grinned at her, bowing. Gaara, who watched the whole thing followed suit as he peeked at Temari. Yashamaru smiled hesitantly at Gaara and me. I nodded at her.

"Have fun at the academy, nee-san, and good luck tomorrow nii-san!" My voice echoed in the building as I turned to leave, Gaara blinked between me and them.

"Goodbye," Gaara whispered shyly as he quickly followed me out, Yashamaru bowing as he headed out too.

I refused to turn back to Temari and Kankuro, instead opting out to question Yashamaru when I felt we were far enough from the training grounds.

"Why did they look like that, Yasha-ji-san?"

Yashamaru, who had been walking behind us as a silent sentry, jerked a little in surprise at my question. Gaara nodded as he turned his head towards Yashamaru also. The three of us kept walking through the empty street.

Yashamaru's eyes, which had been open before, suddenly clouded over as he whispered, "I do not know either, but…it may be because your okaa-sa used to make them andagi as snacks too, Kinnara-sama."

At his words, I stumbled a little. I quickly picked myself up when Gaara's small hands shot out to catch me, sand forming around the two of us.

Yashamaru blinked at the two of us in concern. "Gaara-sama, Kinnara-sama."

"Oh," I replied as I straightened, my small hand catching Gaara's as the sand fell away.

I stared down at the ground, my eyebrows furrowing together. Making a decision then and there, I turned my eyes back towards Yashamaru.

"I want to keep making andagi for them then," I said staring up at Yashamaru, my hands tightening on Gaara's.

Gaara watched me before he softly added something. Yashamaru and I turned to him.

"What was that Gaa?"

Gaara's eyes turned back up to meet ours, his lips pursed together as he repeated what he said, "I want to make them for otousama too."

Yashamaru blinked in shock at us. I guess we're, mostly me, are filled with shock today, but I was shocked at Gaara's words too. I blinked at him, slowly nodding. I was going to include that too…but it was even better that Gaara had said it. I felt as my smile widened, my cheekbones hurting.

"Yea! We can make some for otousan too!" Yashamaru opened and closed his mouth, uncertainty on his face, but I ignored it and instead, I began dragging Gaara back home. "We can start now!"

After a minute, I realized we were missing someone.

I stopped, scowling at Yashamaru. "Yasha-ji-san, stop being so slow!"

Yashamaru snapped out of his shock as he nodded, quickly following us as I began forward again. I was too happy, at the outcome and at Gaara's desire, to care at how empty the street was.

* * *

**_~Third Person PoV~_**

Temari stared down at the andagi, Kankuro sitting next to her, scowling at the ground. His hands wrote in the sand as he threw glances towards the box in Temari's lap. The two, after another hour or two of sparring, had decided to take a break.

And were now staring at the unexpected treat.

"I bet they're not as good at okaa-sa's," Kankuro said angrily as he looked away again.

Temari made no reply as she sighed, setting the cover aside as she slowly took one into her hand. Kankuro, at Temari's action, paused in his writing. Biting his lips, he watched as Temari slowly took a bite. At her expression, the eyes widening a little as she slowly began to chew, he hesitantly reached out and took one too.

Watching as Temari finished her first and took a second, Kankuro shoved the one in his hand into his mouth, pausing as he tasted it. Blinking in surprise, Kankuro swallowed. He stared at the andagi in his hand, unsure of how to feel.

He was lost in thought until he heard the sound of sniffling. Surprised, Kankuro looked up. He watched as Temari picked up her third one and felt his chest constricted as something wet fell from her eyes.

Temari sniffed, her left hand furiously wiping her sudden tears away as she began eating the third andagi, staring down into the box as if it would give her answers. Kankuro, no longer scowling, looked down at the andagi in his hand. He blinked back a couple of tears too as he slowly took another bite, remembering andagi made from hands of a woman long gone.

In silence and reminiscence, the two sand siblings finished the andagi box and after a few moments of silence, continued sparring.

…

**_The Next Afternoon_**

Kankuro and Temari stopped short as they noticed the all too familiar box at the foot of the door to their training room. Temari, as she approached, slowly picked up the box. There were two notes.

Kankuro peeked from over her shoulder, eyes narrowing at the sloppy and childish hand-written note on the box.

_Hope today went well nii-san! And don't over work yourself today, nee-san!_

_From Kinnara _

But the kanji for the beginning of Kinnara was wrong and then the two continued on to Gaara's neater and nicer message.

_Kankuro-nii-san, Temari-nee-san, please enjoy these. Thank you._

_From Gaara_

Temari and Kankuro shared a look before slowly opening the box. Each took one and slowly ate into it then making a face and forcefully swallowing.

"Kinnara must have made these," Kankuro grumbled even as he finished the one in his hand, already reaching for the second as Temari and he entered the doors.

Temari only nodded as she sighed, reluctantly eating her second. They had ten more to go, but at least they just needed to eat five each. Later on that day, when they had finished and were about to close the box, they noticed a third note on the bottom of the lid.

Temari and Kankuro both deadpanned when they finished reading it.

_Dear Kankuro-sama and Temari-sama,_

_I should warn you that these andagi were made by Kinnara-sama. I hope you two have a good day._

_Yashamaru_

Not far away, a similar message was being read by a man with auburn hair as he sat behind the large desk. Slowly, he set aside Yashamaru's note (which had been placed on top of the other two notes instead of beneath the lid). Next, he pulled the other two notes and took in the two different handwriting.

_Otousan, enjoy these andagi! Gaa and I worked hard on them. _

_Love, Kinnara_

And to the neater of the two…

_Otousama, please enjoy these. I hope you like them._

_From Gaara_

The Kazekage, taking one last glance at the note, closed the lid and turned back to the paperwork on his desk. However, when Yashamaru came to retrieve the box that night, he noticed how empty the box was and behind the cloth, smiled as he bid the Kazekage good night.

…

**_In Konoha_**

Ryuu silently evaded the kunai as he threw his own, watching and anticipating his opponent's dodge and quickly flashed behind throwing more kunai then flashing again to two other angels and throwing more kunai.

His opponent, if he had been anyone other than Uchiha Shisui, would have been unable to block all of the kunais, but it _was_ Uchiha Shisui. Ryuu quickly camouflaged himself into the trees, preparing the hand signals for the fire jutsu, but then Shisui disappeared and Ryuu stopped, closing his eyes.

There was a moment of pure silence, not even the sound of birds or wind. Ryuu waited, hands posed for any form of defense.

When he heard the sudden movement to his left, Ryuu dodged. But then a burst of pain erupted, his muscles suddenly locking and Ryuu fell from the tree, grunting in pain.

Shisui was at the ground in a second, catching the younger boy, concern written across his face.

"Ryuu!"

The four year old boy sat up in his cousin's arms, shaking his head to clear the pain. "I'm fine, Shi-kun."

Shisui's eyes furrowed. "Are you sure you want to join the academy so early?"

Ryuu rubbed his head, his eyes squeezing in pain as he got himself out of his cousin's arms. He cursed under his breath softly as the flashes of pain, images of a world he did not know, cross his vision. He vaguely heard Shisui's concerned words.

Instead, he tried catching glimpses of the images in his mind. He used to dream of them all the time, this other world.

Except that the dreams had decided to stop lying dormant. They've crossed into reality also and at times like this, Ryuu knew that it was better to just wait it out. He breathed out silently, waiting for the moment to pass him. He felt as Shisui cautiously sat next to him, waiting for the episode to end.

When the images disappeared, Ryuu sighed. He sat down, dropping heavily onto the ground as he stretched his legs. He hated it, more than anything.

The clan medics were unsure of why these random "seizures of pain" as Uchiha Jakuno called them, occurred. Jakuno was a family doctor, one that had been in Ryuu's part of the Uchiha family.

When his parents had taken Ryuu to see Jakuno, the elder had informed Kaito and Hizuki that Ryuu should not enter the academy due to his illness. It had broken Ryuu's heart and he had been afraid that his parents would agree.

However, at Shisui's and Fugaku's urging, Kaito relented and allowed Ryuu to enroll at the academy early. Fugaku had not wanted Ryuu's gift and potential for the Uchiha clan to go to waste and Shisui did not want Ryuu to lose his dream of becoming a shinobi, which Ryuu always told Shisui when the two trained together. So to help stabilize him, Shisui was Ryuu's designated teacher along with the clan's prodigy, Uchiha Itachi.

But Itachi was on a mission today, having been recently promoted to Chunin at ten. Ryuu was hoping to top that and become Chunin at seven or earlier then graduating at five, maybe even four and beat Hatake Kakashi's record at graduating at five.

Catching movement at the corner if his eyes, Ryuu turned. Shisui had decided to sit next to him, following his stance and lying back on the ground with the younger boy.

"You're only four," Shisui said softly. "Don't push yourself too much."

"I know," Ryuu replied, "but I want to work alongside you!"

Shisui smiled, reaching forward to rub the boy's head. "I think you'll go very far in life Ryuu. Don't worry about it."

"But," Ryuu's eyes frowned, "I just feel this urgency to complete everything."

Shisui nodded slowly, smiling. "Alright, if you can graduate at four, I'll throw in a favor and have them test you out for your Chunin exams at five and if you pass that, I'll help you prepare for the Jonin and even have Itachi help."

Ryuu's grinned. "Deal"

The two shook on it, laughing. Although, Shisui's laughter was softer and less happy than the younger boy. He watched Ryuu carefully. The boy had great potential, learning at a faster pace than even Itachi had at that age. Every move, ever exercise, ever task, it was like his body, even if it was not built for it yet, followed the movements and the poses with ease and comfort.

Shisui would say that Ryuu's body was built to become a shinobi, a soldier.

However, his mind was what worried Shisui. Ryuu was a child who grew up with loving parents. Unlike Itachi, who graduated young and early, he was not built with the same ability to distance himself from his emotions and his own opinions. The boy grew up with loving parents and was very sheltered.

Shisui only worried that Ryuu was too young to start experiencing the shinobi world.

TBC

* * *

_**A/N: And we get closer to the massacres...that of the Uchiha clans and of Yashamaru. **_

_**_Thank you for the reviews, favoriting, and following. I hope this story is deserving of your time! Also...I am making a decision. There are two ways. Is Naruto and Gaara's friendship possible even if Gaara was not a killing machine? It's fanfic and I love to write so I can come up with something, but I just want more opinion on it.


	5. Dreams

**Disclaimer**: Naruto does not belong to me so go sue someone else.

* * *

**"If the world we live in now is a dream, would you even want to know what reality is." - Unknown**

* * *

**5 - Dreams**

**_A Year Later in Suna..._**

**_~Kinnara~_**

I turned upward, my eyes scanning the horizon among the sand dunes. I wrapped the blanket around me tighter, shivering. The desert got so cold when the sun was not out.

Gaara shifted next to me, his head slowly falling forward as he fought sleep. I turned to him, hand grabbing his. As my fingers touched his, he jerked awake.

Eyes widening, he quickly turned to me. "Is the sun rising?!"

I laughed at his expression, my fingers tugging his slightly. "Iie, not yet. You have to stay awake Gaa-kun!"

I turned to my other side and scowled. With a flick of my hand, sand sprayed over Yashamaru's sleeping form. Startling awake, he fell backwards, yelping. I heard as Gaara laughed at my side, his laughter soft and quiet. When Yashamaru sat back up though, Gaara quieted down, his free hand clamping over his mouth.

Yashamaru attempted to scowl at us, eyes sharpening on us. "Was it Gaara-sama or Kinnara-sama?"

I put on my best innocent smile and pointed at Gaara with my free hand. "It was Gaa-kun!"

At my accusation, Gaara's hand fell away, his eyes widening with shock at me. "Chigau! Yashamaru, it was Ki-chan!"

I shook my head, tugging at Gaara with the hand holding his. He was pulled towards me, caught off guard and fell right into me. I grinned at him then turned that grin to Yashamaru as I glomped Gaara.

"Gaa-kun would never lie so," I laughed softly, "maybe it was me."

Yashamaru shook his head at me, moving forward to help Gaara from my glomping. Gaara was moved to Yashamaru's other side, the shinobi's arms snagging him up and plopping him away from me. I pouted. Yashamaru's amused eyes tried to look at me sternly.

"Kinnara-sama, you shouldn't tease Gaara-sama so," he began, but stopped, his eyes catching something on horizon.

From the orange glow in the reflection of his violet eyes, I knew what it was. I immediately turned back to the sand dunes and grinned.

"Look Gaa!" I was so excited that I slipped back to my baby name for Gaara.

I took my eyes off of the sun rise to watch Yashamaru's and Gaara's reaction. I was not disappointed.

I warmed at the expressions on their faces. Gaara was awed, his eyes widening as the sun rose. Yashamaru had a faraway look on his face, a small sad, but happy smile on his face. Both of them stared at the horizon, neither realizing that they looked so alike in that moment.

I leaned back, sand coming up to keep me up as I turned back to the sunrise.

I was happy, yet the nagging fear of the unknown still ate at me. I did not know much about Gaara's past or that of Suna in general. So I tried my best to integrate what I did know. My eyes hardened as I thought about what I knew about Gaara's childhood from my world.

I've been trying to prevent him from ever getting lonely, to keep that part of a Jinchuuriki's life away from him. That made me worried though. That loneliness, that mutual pain, was what created Gaara's and Naruto's strong bond. However, the only alternative was to do the opposite of what I'm doing and _that_ was not happening.

I sighed softly, then I turned my eyes slightly towards my uncle.

His smile was no longer sad. Instead he had turned to Gaara, the older shinobi answering Gaara's questions about the sand and the sun. He looked so happy. Both of them, I mean.

I was glad. I knew that Yashamaru unable to move on from losing Karura, and when he tried to love the son that he knew Karura loved, he couldn't do it without guilt because a part of him was truly afraid of Gaara. Thus, why he had been willing (even if reluctant) to have tested Gaara out that night and ended up committing suicide.

However, that was when there was only Gaara. There's me now and from what I've seen, Gaara was not unstable or even threatening. Gaara's instability had probably stemmed from being so lonely, physically, and psychologically. The loneliness, the pain at being rejected over and over again, at being hated without understanding why, led Gaara to become so susceptible to Shukaku.

Yashamaru could not fill in that gap for Gaara which led to Gaara feeling so alone and thus to his fall towards Shukaku. Gaara could not fill the gap that Karura left in Yashamaru, which led to Yashamaru holding onto the village more than to his love for Gaara. Yashamaru, in my opinion, was afraid of Shukaku and because of that fear, was so willing to destroy Gaara.

That instability, in Gaara and in Yashamaru, led to that night which led to the Kazekage deeming Gaara worthless and thus turned Gaara into a monster.

I continued watching the two, uncle and nephew interact. I also realize how real the threat of Shukaku is. And I can only guess that was the only reason why Yashamaru did what the Kazekage wanted. Yashamaru, no matter how much he loved Gaara, loved the village more. Which meant he followed his Kage, even if Yashamaru hated him, even if it meant that it was the same Kage that sacrificed his sister.

In this retrospect, Yashamaru fell short in my eyes.

I am bias, very much so, knowing how Itachi valued Sasuke even more than Itachi valued Konoha. But I did not hold it against Yashamaru. No, instead, I held him highly for it even though it pained me. But it was also the reason why I was trying so hard.

I had to break Yashamaru's love for the village. Destroy his loyalty with the village with his love for Gaara…and for me. This time, it won't just be Gaara that he would have to try and kill; it would be me too. I was right that as I got older, I only started looking more and more like Karura. I was only seven, but I could tell already.

I knew that Yashamaru was onto me. He doesn't know the full truth (ha, imagine if he could figure out my secret), but I knew he sensed that I was far more mature and knowing than Gaara. He did not treat me the way he treated Gaara. He treated me with less care, less sensitivity.

He was kind, very much so and very adoring, but he was not as worried about me. I think he sensed that I already know about Shukaku.

At times, he would treat me like a child around Gaara, but besides that, he never did. He respected me and I know he love me, but Yashamaru knew there was something different about me. So I knew that in a sense, Yashamaru would (hopefully) listen to me.

I was not going to let what happened happen. I will save the two of them, even if it meant saving them from themselves. I blinked out of my thoughts as Gaara and Yashamaru stood up.

I tilted my head towards Yashamaru, my uncle smiling down at me, peace in his eyes.

"Thank you Kinnara-sama, for reminding me that the sunrise can be very beautiful here in Suna."

I smiled up at him and saw as his eyes widened a little.

Ah yes, my smile. Karura.

I did not mind that most of the time, who he saw was Karura. A part of me loved her, the other part awed. She was so powerful that even after death, she was still able to protect her son, still able to have two men love her so fiercely, and two children still longing for her. My thoughts were broken by Gaara.

Gaara leaned forward, one hand outstretched to me. "Let's go home, Ki-chan."

I stared at his hand, my lips curling into a smaller, but even happier, smile. Home…

"Hai, Gaa-kun."

I took his hand, and let Gaara lead me forward, Yashamaru, next to us. I prayed that I could keep this peace, this future.

...

I pushed Gaara on the swing, openly laughing as Gaara's nervous voice told me to be careful.

Yashamaru had taken us to the park today. At first, Yashamaru had encouraged us to go out by ourselves, to accustom ourselves to Suna, but I knew better.

I had told Yashamaru that we would rather have him along and each time we went out, I made sure to bring Yashamaru.

Today was the fourth time he's taken us here. It was the first time that he's left us alone though. Today, the Kazekage had requested his presence. I had a small inclination of what our father would want to discuss with Yashamaru. My thoughts were broken though as Gaara yelped a little as I pushed him too high.

Over my laughter, more laughter traveled to our ears from across us. Gaara, I noticed, turned his head towards the other kids. I did not need to see his face to know that he was looking longingly at them.

"Why don't they let us play with them?"

"Because," I began softly, "they…I don't know Gaara."

I never knew what to say to him when he noticed people ignoring us. Although, I'm beginning to think that Gaara has always known. It's just that he was confused by it. Gaara, at my response, became even more silent.

I stopped pushing him. Instead, I slowly pulled him into a hug from behind.

"It's okay Gaa," I whispered, using his baby name, "Ki and Yasha-ji-san will play with you."

There was a moment of silence, Gaara simply leaning into me, before he nodded, slipping off of the swing. Before I could say more though, the both of us watched as one of the kids kicked the ball upwards.

Something cold came over me as I watched the ball land on top. I froze.

I heard as little kids complained and asked about how they would get the ball down. I remained frozen, Déjà vu overcoming me as I stared at the sand that formed around the ball.

Images of this scene from my past life flickered. My past life…I was not Kinnara of the Sand.

No I was—

_I'm Xen, what's your name?_

—the ball was carried down. The kids, some exclaiming in surprise, suddenly grew quiet when they watched the ball land in the arms of Gaara. My hand grabbed for my head as my vision suddenly blurred, but even so I heard them, voices from the children, voices from my past.

One voice whispered, "You're…"

I tried to stop Gaara, but—

_It's Seng, like sing, but spelled X-E-N._

—Gaara, with a small and shy smile on his face, looked down at the ball then at them. Gaara, poor Gaara. He didn't deserve this—

_They say I'm cursed. You should stay away from me._

—he lifted the ball towards them. "Here…"

But their words. Kids can be cruel.

"It's Gaara…"

"Gaara of the Desert…"

"Run!"

And then like the anime, like the manga, the kids starting running and like the anime and the manga, I watched as unspeakable, irreversible, emotions of pain and hurt, cross Gaara's face. I reach out for him—

_Let me go. You deserve better._

—the kids, they kept running.

"Wait!" Gaara, was that Gaara's voice?

They just kept…running…as if…Gaara was…a…

"Don't leave," Gaara cried out and just like that, with his voice sounding so hurt, the sand reacted. Arm like things suddenly appeared around the kids that were too far behind, their feet being dragged as they fell.

Something hot and nasty pulsed within me then—

_Blood soaked his hands as he continued to pound his fist into the wall, crying despairingly into the ground._

—I stared in horror at Gaara. The expression on his face, of anger, and pain…I ran forward.

"Gaara!" But then that same feeling, overcame me and I trembled in shock at it.

Shukaku? My memories? Why, why now—

_His eyes looked pass me, as if I no longer meant anything to him._

—I saw the rage, the stark and raw pain on his, their, faces. Their?

I snapped out of it, forcing the memories of Xen away.

Xen was gone, I was dead. I was not that woman, that girl anymore. I was Kinnara. I was Gaara's twin.

Gaara. I needed to help Gaara. I cried then, tears falling.

I knew he was lonely, I knew he was not stupid. He saw the faces, heard the whispers, saw the fear. Felt it. I had tried to protect him, kept trying to keep him away…when all along, I had only been ignoring Gaara too.

"Help me!" one of the kids yelled, their voice coming mutely to my deaf ears as I struggled to understand what was happening.

I saw something in him changed, as if something snapped. I heard, no felt, Shukaku's hatred, its killer intent, and then the sand flew towards one of the kid being held hostage by Gaara's sand. I finally found my voice, but my legs remained frozen.

"No!"

And then blood splattered onto the floor, Yashamaru making it just in time. There was a second of ugly silent, sand dispersing.

"Gaara-sama! Please, calm down," Yashamaru panted out, arms bleeding, blood streaming down his face.

My head starting shaking, no. I just let it happened. I could have stopped it!

I could hear Gaara's shaken voice, his mind coming back from Shukaku's rage, from his own pain, "Yashamaru…?"

My Gaara, my poor Gaara. He looked so scared, shaken. Guilt crawled across his eyes. He looked around at the kids, at the blood. There was a moment of dead silence, horror and terror across Gaara's innocent face.

He suddenly curled up, falling to his knees, wrapping his arms around himself. And started crying. Small sobs came from him, the sound so broken and afraid.

My heart twisted. I had not heard Gaara cry in so long.

I was there before Yashamaru, my arms wrapped around him, rocking the two of us. Gaara's small arms clung to me, his sobs falling into my chest. Yashamaru stopped in his tracks, watching us, blood covering his face.

"Shh," I whispered, my voice tearful as I cried with Gaara. "It's okay Gaa. It's going to be okay."

Please, don't let me be lying, I prayed.

I turned my head and met Yashamaru's eyes. They were not looking at me, only at Gaara. And they were filled with concern….but I saw it: the doubt, the fear.

I knew what was going to happen next…and I knew…I had to…I had to stop it.

* * *

~Kumo~

Sarutobi Asuma usually was a calm and much laid back guy. In that manner, Asuma and Hiruzen were the same. The God of Shinobi was a fear to be reckoned with, but on the deeper level, he had always been a good father and good man.

The only problem was that he was too compassionate…and at times, that compassion can be his downfall. Especially as the Hokage where you must choose, love the village or the love those in the village. Which was why, if Asuma was to blame anyone for their current situation, it would be his father.

Grunting, Asuma slammed his dagger into the back of the shinobi to his side, but he was expecting the puff of smoke as the man's clone turned into a log. Breathing out heavily, he lunged backwards to avoid the kunais that were thrown at him. He knew that the only reason why the assassins were being so cautious were because of the gray haze still around them, his ash pile burning jutsu still intact.

Casting a quick glance towards Kurenai, he was relieved (not surprised) that she was holding her own. To everyone, even him, Kurenai disappeared, flower petals suddenly appearing around her opponents. He knew that she was only using a genjutsu and would probably perform the tree binding genjutsu upon the unsuspecting shinobi.

Feeling as his opponent move towards him, Asuma raised his chakra infused daggers to block the Kumo shinobi. From the corner of his eyes, he watched with helplessness as the six year old Chunin dodged and parried the ongoing attack of his opponent. Uchiha Ryuu was a genius, powerful, fast, and one of the best shinobis Asuma had seen for someone his age since Hatake Kakashi. Speaking of Kakashi…

_Damn it, where are you_, Asuma wondered as he threw his opponent backwards, the man flashing away then reappearing behind Asuma, and Asuma once again met him blade for blade. Their S-rank mission into Kumo under the guise of helping a Kumo "merchant" back after the Chunin Exam had taken the turn for worst. Asuma, even as he maintained his focus on the battle, could still remember the day his father had revealed to him the true objective of the three-man mission "C-rank" mission to Kumo.

_"**What**," Asuma asked quizzically, the cigarette in his mouth dipping._

_"You and Kurenai will accompany and protect Uchiha Ryuu as he escort the contractor back to Kumo. You will travel with him and upon reaching Kumo, gather information on Kumo and find our missing informant."_

_"Wait, what do you mean by 'missing'," Asuma snapped, the cigarette trembling between his lips. "Isn't Gai the informant placed in Kumo?"_

_Hiruzen sighed, hand reaching upwards to hold the pipe between his lips. Kurenai's nose crinkled at the two Sarutobi men as they smoked in the room. She was tempted to crack the window open, but remained in the background, head held high and eyes straight forward. Few would willingly speak against the God of Shinobi…but then not most could say that he was their father either and Kurenai knew that things between Asuma and Hiruzen were not doing well lately._

_"Might Gai has failed to report back to Konoha since his last report a month before the Chunin Exams," Hiruzen said gravely, finally revealing the secret to Asuma and Kurenai._

_Asuma stiffened, Kurenai's eyes closing as she clenched her fists. Gai, she thought. Asuma stared at his father, mouth opening and closing before he growled._

_"He's been missing for **that** long," Asuma breathed out angrily, "and you're telling us now?!"_

_Hiruzen's hand fell back to his side as he stared at his son sternly. "Asuma, Gai is on a top S-rank mission for Konoha as an inside informant. His whereabouts and his mission are not to be discussed at will, even to friends and family."_

_Asuma stiffened even more, Kurenai's eyes snapping open. Before Asuma can speak, Kurenai beat him to it even._

_Lifting her head to study the Hokage, she asked, "What exactly was Gai searching for in Kumo and how does this relate to sending Uchiha Ryuu on an S-rank mission in the guise of a C-rank?"_

_Asuma turned at her voice, his cigarette burning brightly as he inhaled it before breathing it out through his nose. Hiruzen straightened slightly, hands folding behind his back as he turned his head towards her._

_"Before I disclose this information, the two of you must accept the mission."_

_Asuma frowned, his jaws clenching slightly as he stuffed his hands into his pocket. Kurenai's eyes snapping onto Asuma. She nodded even as Asuma shook his head. Asuma grabbed the cigarette stick from his mouth._

_"Ryuu-kun is too young," he began, but Hiruzen cut him off grimly._

_"He is," he said softly, eyes softening, "but Gai's safety and well-being may be resting upon this mission. The contractor will have no other, but Uchiha Ryuu as his escort. The fact that he has allowed for two more shinobis had been a condition we had to negotiate with him about."_

_Asuma seemed to remain silent, thinking, but Kurenai, watching him, knew his answer before even he did. Gai meant too much to them and they knew that Hiruzen would never purposely put a child, no matter what rank, into harm's way for no reason._

_"Fine," Asuma finally snapped as he threw his cigarette away, flicking it into the garbage can. "We'll accept. What's the mission?"_

The mission: find evidence of Kumo's breach of their alliance with Konoha.

Less than a year ago, Kumo was involved with the attempted kidnapping of Hyuuga Hinata. The kidnapping had been thwarted only after killing a Kumo shinobi. However this had angered Kumo. When war was threatened and Konoha could not find evidence that it was Kumo itself and not a random rogue organization in Kumo that had kidnapped the Hyuuga heiress, there had to be a sacrifice to quell the war.

Hizashi Hyuuga offered himself in his brother's stead and the lost was still a blow to Hiruzen. Because of Hiruzen's inability to prove Kumo's involvement and that the Kumo Nin's death was justified, Hyuuga Neji had become an orphan.

Since then, Might Gai had been sent to Kumo in hopes of finding more about Kumo and their intent towards Konoha's kekkei genkai. But Gai had gone missing and then the "merchant" was leaked by Gai's last report as a leader with ties towards what happened.

Only a month, Asuma, Kurenai, and Ryuu along with ANBU Operative Hatake Kakashi left Konoha on the mission. Asuma and Kurenai had been hoping for a little more time to pile their evidence against Kumo for trying to steal another of Konoha's kekkei genkai. However, the two barely made it in time to help Uchiha Ryuu from the ambush.

Teeth clenching, Asuma swiped at the shinobi's throat, his body lurching sideways to avoid the kunai as he made the swipe. He quickly glanced over at Ryuu and much to his surprise, watched as the boy beat his opponent, sharingan activated.

Uchiha Ryuu, during the beginning of their mission, came clean about his lack of experience in real combat. From what Asuma remembered the boy had done exceptionally well during the Chunin Exams, quickly outsmarting and overcoming his opponents. However, the Chunin Exams were different from an S-rank mission.

Damn it, Asuma growled as he dodged the shinobi again, but even as he did so, he watched with wide eyes as Ryuu made his first kill. The boy's eyes, which were hesitant, had closed shut as he plunged his kunai into his opponent's throat. Blood spurted out and with warm blood pouring down his hands, Ryuu opened his eyes. Asuma knew right away that something was wrong when the sharingan pinwheels suddenly began to spin, black and red swirling. Ryuu blanched as pain suddenly crashed against his brain. Screaming, he clutched at his head, his opponent's blood painting his hair crimson.

Asuma and Kurenai, hearing his scream, fought even harder. Kurenai finally revealing herself and binding her opponent into her jutsu. Asuma only increased his attacks, anger driving his blades now. Ryuu felt as tears formed, the pain only increasing by the minute, his whole body suddenly seizing up as his head exploded in agonizing pain. He heard the scream of an animal, as if it was being burned alive.

He wanted to yell for someone to put the creature out of its misery. Then he realized that it was him, not an animal that had screamed. The young boy writhed on the ground. He could not even sense as Kakashi finally arrived, the ANBU reaching him first.

Kakashi stiffened as he pulled Ryuu off the dead shinobi. Tears of blood were streaming down Ryuu's closed eyes, the boy's face scrunched in pain. His whole body was taut and shaking violently.

He called out his name, eyes casting quick glance upwards as he felt Gai's war cry. When Kakashi finally found Gai, the two instantly returned back for Asuma's team, Gai revealing about the ambush. Kakashi's teeth clenched beneath his mask as he shifted the boy to his side, a firm hand keeping him there even as his body thrashed with the seizure.

Kakashi softly called out his name, ignoring the battle knowing that with Gai's help that the other two will be fine. Instead, he focused on the boy…so young. Younger than even he had been. Eyes softening, Kakashi simply watched helplessly.

Ryuu continued to scream, fists clenched. Images flashed across his mind. Blood, so much blood, but the images were moving too fast for him to understand. There were metal things, flashes of bright light as bombs went off, giant metal moving monsters that consumed everything in its paths. The images would change though, faster and faster.

When the images turned to a girl, woman, something in between as she kept changing in his eyes from a small child to a young woman, Ryuu could not understand. He did not have time to either as he suddenly blacked out from the pain, darkness enveloping him.

Kakashi saw as the boy's body, still seizing up, stopped moving, falling unconscious. Kakashi felt as Kurenai flashed to his side, kneeling besides him and he moved away, allowing her to take care of the kid.

"Why is he on this mission," Gai whispered as he looked down at Ryuu, frowning, "they wanted him. Why would you allow him to be on this mission?!"

"We haven't heard from you in months," Asuma mumbled out tied up the unconscious shinobis. "And we needed to find more about this guy. Can't have him coming back to try and kidnap another kid from the Hyuuga or Uchiha clan. Ryuu-kun was the best for this mission."

Gai's eyes closed as he sighed. "He is full of youth that one, too much. I hear he is a prodigy?"

"Hai," Asuma muttered as he stood up, kicking the shinobis to make sure they were still unconscious, "I think you'll like the kid. He's got talent and a knack for taijutsu, maybe even better than his genjutsu."

Gai's eyes opened as interest flashed across his eyes. "Ah, I sensed that his power of youth was more than the eyes could see. It is not every day that one sees an Uchiha skilled in taijutsu when they have genjutsu."

Asuma opened his mouth to reply, but it was Kurenai's voice that called out.

"ASUMA!"

All three men stiffened, Kakashi shooting back to Kurenai's side. The three men stiffened when they realized what had Kurenai so panicked. Ryuu had no heartbeat.

"Fuck," Kakashi let out, Gai and Asuma too worried to care at Kakashi's uncharacteristic cussing.

"His heart," Kurenai cried as she desperately, but calmly, tried to pump his heart, green chakra surrounding her hands. "Kakashi!"

Kakashi flashed forward, ignoring the two men as he took over for Kurenai, as she titled Ryuu's head back, breathing into his lungs. Asuma and Gai stood back, their face solemn as Kakashi and Kurenai fought to keep the young Uchiha alive.

Kakashi's eyes hardened, his teeth clenching.

"Kurenai, get away!"

The kunoichi snapped to attention, quickly following his command. Gai and Asuma stared at Kakashi, no use to hearing him sound so angry and desperate. Kurenai's hands trembled as she clenched them. The three watched as Kakashi placed an ear against Ryuu's chest.

Growling, Kakashi straightened and began trying to bring the boy's heart back. Not even thinking about it, as he pushed down, he sent a small jolt of electricity through the boy's body, painstakingly aware that if he lost even an ounce of concentration, he would fry the boy's heart and body. Gai's eyes widened.

"Kakashi," he whispered, hands lifting as if to stop his rival, but he held it back. His eyes squeezed shut as he turned his head away.

"Ryuu," Kakashi whispered as he kept pushing downward. Up, down, up, down. "Ryuu!"

Kakashi's eyes clenched in pain and despair as the boy's heart remained dead. Damn it, damn it, damn it! He was too young, too innocent, and too damn important to die now.

Sending one last jolt of electricity through the boy's body, everyone let out a breadth as they heard the first beat. Kakashi faltered, his eyes widening. Ryuu's whole body jolted then, forcing Kakashi's away. Asuma and Gai moved forward then, holding the boy's body down as Ryuu, still unconscious, gasped for air. He struggled to move, but the two men gently held him in place. Kurenai was there in an instance, her warm hands, turning green as she placed them over Ryuu's head.

"Shh," she whispered as she put him back to sleep, forcing his body to slacken into deep sleep.

Kakashi was breathing out heavily as he stared at Ryuu. His fists clenched. Asuma fell onto his knees, resting his head against Ryuu's side as he breathed out with relief. Kurenai stared down at the boy's face, his features creased in pain.

She had calmed his nerves to calm his body, but his mind…she was not sure how to stop pain that she could not see. She ran a hand through his hair. Kakashi turned away, unable to continue looking at him and he instead turned back to the Kumo assassins, first to move away.

It was too close…it had been too damn close.

"Damn," Asuma whispered as he clenched Ryuu's shirt in his fingers. "Damn."

* * *

Xen

_I was sleeping, sleeping for so long. But I was also always dreaming. It was so strange. I swear that I was dreaming of the Narutoverse. It was strange._

_In my dreams, I was someone else, a little boy. An Uchiha. But I had no control, at least not consciously. When he ate, I ate, when he cried, I cried. I felt nothing at his first kill, so similar to mine._

_I did not know, but I sensed that the two of us were closer than we expected. But what got to me was that he reminded me of Su._

_Su, my little brother, the third youngest of our siblings of seven. Su's dark hair was short like the boy's, except that the boy smiled like I did and laughed like I did. We even pouted the same. At a closer look, I would even say that the boy was a replica of me when I was five. But he's not me._

_However, it couldn't be Su either._

_The last time I saw Su, I was seventeen, Su fourteen. Su had been dressed in a black suit as he laid in his coffin next to the rest of my siblings. There were seven coffins in total…the seventh was that of my mother. She took my place._

_Seven coffins and the seventh should have been me._

_The pain, the grief, came back as I remembered how the seventeen me had cried that day and from then on, I never stopped crying, even when the tears could no longer be seen._

_At that particular memory, my dream world shattered and pain erupted. I cried out, but so did the boy. It hurt so much. To remember everything, everyone. Dreams were not meant to hurt._

_Why, why couldn't I just wake up from this nightmare?_

* * *

_Ryuu was swimming and swimming. Everything was dark. Everything was bright. He couldn't stop swimming through the darkness and the light. He could hear a faint voice of an older man, but Ryuu couldn't reach him. He just couldn't, but Ryuu was going to try anyways…_

Asuma continued standing in his spot even as Kakashi, Gai, and Kurenai swiftly left, each one of his friends casting a glance at him. Kurenai, as she passed him, hesitated. Asuma felt as she lifted a hand towards him and felt as she skimmed her fingers on his arm. He refused to look at her, staring straight ahead.

When the three were gone, Hiruzen turned his full attention to his son. Lips pierced, Hiruzen laid his pipe away. "What is it?"

Asuma closed his eyes, breathing out slowly before reopening them. He finally turned his head towards his father. "I've decided."

Hiruzen's body stiffened, his face flinching a little at the sternness in his son's voice. Sighing, Hiruzen turned away, facing the village as he watched it through his window. "And?"

"I am going to join the Twelve Guardians," Asuma said without emotion as he looked at his father's back.

"And what of Konoha?"

Asuma's fists clenched. "Protecting the Fire Daimyo is important, more important than staying here."

Hiruzen sighed and turned back to him. "Are you sure that is what's most important?"

Asuma glared, his eyes narrowing at Hiruzen. "I know what is important, but do you?"

Hiruzen's face hardened at his question. "Asuma…"

"How can you tell me that Konoha shinobis, the children of Konoha, are important when you willingly sent one into a battle he was not prepared for," Asuma seethed as he took a step forward. "I refuse to stay here when this is what it means to protect Konoha…not if it means having to watch someone as young as Ryuu-kun face death. It was bad enough for Uchiha Itachi, but that was because we were at war. How can we do the same during a time of peace?"

Hiruzen's eyes fell at his words. The Sandaime knew what had occurred, having just heard the report from all four and he would receive Ryuu's report when the boy awakened. The Uchiha clan was not pleased at harm done to their prodigy and that strife was not helping the strained relationship. Hiruzen sighed softly as he looked back at his son.

He had no words, no excuse. He could spout words about how Uchiha Ryuu was a Chunin, a shinobi. That it was a shinobi's job to die for his village. But even Hiruzen was unable to say those words to Asuma. He had hoped that by assigning Asuma to be Ryuu's team leader, his son will realize that the most important people he should protect were the ones here in Konoha and not the Fire Daimyo. That the true 'king' were the children of Konoha.

However, it seemed to have only backfired. Hiruzen knew that it was a dangerous mission. He had not expected it to turn out the way it did though. So instead of trying to stop Asuma, he simply asked one question.

"Are you sure," he whispered.

Asuma nodded, finally looking down. "The mission was accomplished. You no longer have to worry about Kumo stealing Konoha's kekkei genkai. I am leaving tonight."

"So soon," Hiruzen mused as he picked his pipe back up, placing it between his lips.

Asuma nodded, eyes still casted downwards. "If you are right and the true important people are here in Konoha…view my time away as my way of training to better protect the people here. I," Asuma paused, looking back up. "I will return."

Hiruzen nodded. He breathed out some smoke before turning away again. Asuma also turned away, heading out the door. But before he left, he heard, "You are a man now, Asuma. You're decisions are your own."

Asuma's fingers clenched on the door knob as he hesitated. He almost turned back, but instead closed the door and began walking away. There was nothing left to be said.

…

That night, Ryuu's dreams were different. He stirred a little on the hospital bed. His eyes were creased, face showing emotions of distress. His finger clenched on the bed sheets.

Usually, he would see replicas of the man's life or just images of the world that would always cause him pain in the real world. But tonight, Ryuu's dreams were different.

_Stiffening, Ryuu looked down at his hands. He blinked in surprise. He looked around him and sure enough, he was in a room, a large T.V. in front of him and couches around him. To his left was a huge window that showed off massive towers made of glass and metal. Eyes widening, Ryuu rushed to the window, awed by the foreign towers, but he hit one knee against the low table in front of the couches._

_"**Ow**," Ryuu groaned as he rubbed his knee, hopping on the other, but then he crashed into the wall and fell backwards onto the couch._

_Blinking Ryuu scowled as he quickly stood up, but not before hearing a dry chuckle._

_"**Whoever brought me to the Narutoverse sure has a sick humor**."_

_Ryuu blinked, sitting upright as fast as he could, falling off the couch in his haste though and he winced as he hit the side of his head against the same table that his knee had banged against. He heard a deep sigh and the sound of moving feet._

_"**They had to make me an Uchiha. Just because we're both Asian with dark hair and dark eyes**." There was a pause as another dry chuckle filed the room. "**Man, she was right**."_

_Before Ryuu could get up or understand what the voice was saying, two pairs of strong arms lifted him weightlessly and sat him down on the couch he had just fallen from. Blinking, Ryuu stared up at the big figure, his eyes turning into circles as he opened and closed his mouth._

_"**Y-you're**," Ryuu couldn't form words. Another dry chuckle responded to his shock._

_"**It's good to finally meet you Ryuu-kun**. **They call me Xen.**"_

TBC

* * *

**A/N: And the climax...begin.**


	6. Sleeping

Disclaimer: WHY IS THIS EVEN HERE! I MEAN IT'S _FAN_FICTION! But I don't own Naruto.

* * *

_**"I've left the ones I once cared for in the shadows so they can't see my face..."**_

* * *

_**6 - Sleeping**_

_**~Kinnara~**_

Gaara and I stood in front of Karura's photo. I was glad that in this scene, Gaara held no knife. He was not trying to hurt himself.

"Gaara-sama, Kinnara-sama," Yashamaru said with a small smile that did not reach his eyes as he entered.

Gaara took one glance at Yashamaru before quickly looking downwards. "Yashamaru, I'm sorry."

Yashamaru looked surprise, blinking at Gaara and me before realizing what Gaara was referring to.

"Ah," he looked at his bandages and lifted up his injured arm, "this? It's just a scratch."

Then Gaara asked _the_ question.

"Do wounds hurt?" He looked guiltily back up at Yashamaru.

"Just a little," he said with a genuine and kind smile, "it will heal quickly, though."

There was a moment of silence, I watched them closely. I knew the speech and I knew I needed to let it happen. I remained in the background, next to Gaara.

Gaara watched Yashamaru a bit more before finally asking, "Hey Yashamaru?"

"Yes?"

"What does pain feel like?"

Surprise crossed Yashamaru's face.

Gaara continued. "I've never been hurt before, so I was wondering how it felt."

Yashamaru actually looked stumped, his face turning away as he looked thoughtful. "Hmm. How should I explain this…"

He trailed off and then looked back at Gaara.

"It's painful and unbearable. Like when a person is shot or cut. He becomes very ill at ease and he can't think normally." He suddenly scoffed a little, rubbing his neck. "I can't explain it well, but simply put, it's not a very good condition to be in."

Gaara's face seemed to tear up a little. I saw him eyeing Yashamaru's wound.

"Yashamaru…"

"Hai?"

His next words, made even me pause (although I already knew it was coming).

"Then do you hate me, Yashamaru?"

Something akin to sorrow came over Yashamaru's face at hearing Gaara's question. He was clearly distressed that Gaara would ask that question. His hand lowered. I saw the painful expression cross Gaara's face, my hand sneaking into his, our palms clinging to each other. Gaara looked down at our hands, his face losing the hurt expression a little.

"People hurt each other and get hurt during their lifetimes. But it is difficult to hate another."

Those seemed to be the right words, Gaara flashing a genuine and happy smile at Yashamaru.

"Thanks, Yashamaru! I think I understand what hurting is, now."

"Really?" Yashamaru looked happy for a bit, but at Gaara's sudden downfall look again, he went back to looking concern.

"Maybe," Gaara looked down at our hands, "I'm injured too, like everyone else."

Then slowly, he lifted his free hand to his chest.

"It always hurts here. I'm not bleeding," he whispered softly, sadly, "but my chest hurts here."

At Gaara's words, I saw Yashamaru's face fell, guilt and pain in his expression. I remained silent, waiting for Yashamaru to continue. There was no knife this time—

Never mind.

Slowly, Yashamaru (damn shinobi) pulled a kunai out from his pocket—although, why a shinobi with an apron on be needing a kunai for, I don't know—and slowly held it in his hand. Coming to kneel in front of Gaara and me, he suddenly slit his finger, Gaara's eyes widening in surprise, a distressed sound escaping his lips.

Blood seeped through the slit. Yashamaru looked fine though, uncaring of the wound. He lifted his finger up to show us.

"Flesh wounds bleed, and they may seem painful," he began, "but as time goes by, the pain eventually disappears. And if you use medicine, the wounds will heal even faster." He lifted up the kunai with his unwounded hand. "But the tricky wounds are the ones in your heart. Those are difficult to heal."

"A wound of the heart," Gaara questioned.

"A wound of the heart is different from a flesh wound," Yashamaru replied softly, eyes closing. "Unlike a flesh wound, there are no ointments to heal it, and there are times when they never heal."

At those words, Gaara's whole expression fell, his fingers squeezing mine, a search for comfort. Yashamaru noticed the action.

"There is one thing that can heal a wound of the heart though," he added. "Its troublesome medicine and you can only receive it from another person."

As he said this, he looked over to Karura's picture. I followed his gaze. Gaara remained focused on Yashamaru.

"What? How can I heal this…?" He finally turned to where we were both looking, noticing how both of our attention were turned away from him. He gaze at Karura's, mama's, photo.

"The thing that can heal a wound of the heart is," Yashamaru turned to us, the famous turn of his head, "love."

Gaara turned back to him, my eyes remaining on the photo.

"Love?"

"Hai," Yashamaru replied happily.

Gaara looked thoughtful. "Like…how Ki-chan loves me?"

Yashamaru smiled softly. "Yes." He turned back to the photo, Gaara following his motion. "Love is the spirit of devoting yourself to someone important and close to you. It is expressed by caring for and protecting that person. Just like my nii-san and Kinnara-sama."

I turned to him when he said my name, surprised. Yashamaru met my gaze with all too seeing eyes. I looked away, down at Gaara's and my hand. Yashamaru turned back to the photo.

"I believe that my sister always loved you two, Gaara-sama and Kinnara-sama," Yashamaru said. "The Shukaku of the Sand is a living chakra being that is usually used for combat purposes. The sand automatically protects you because of love. I believe the will of your mother is inside the sand." He paused for a while, staring with a mute expression at the photo. "My sister probably wanted to protect you two, even after her death."

There was a moment of silence before Gaara's voice broke it. "Yashamaru?"

"Yes?" Yashamaru quickly turned back to Gaara, ready to answer any of Gaara's question.

Gaara's eyes lightened a little. "Thanks back there…for stopping me."

Yashamaru smiled and stuck his bleeding finger into his mouth. The stinging finally getting to him, I bet.

"My pleasure," he replied with a smile, eyes creasing shut, even as his voice was a mere mumble. "Gaara-sama, you are a person who is important and close to me after all."

With those words, Gaara stepped forward, a small shy smile on his lips. He reached forward, taking Yashamaru's injured hand into his own. He had let go of my hand and I followed behind.

Yashamaru looked surprised at Gaara's sudden move, his eyes widening a little as Gaara suddenly put the injured finger in his mouth also. But that surprise was replaced with something else…

Resignation. An empty and blank look that sent me panicking. His eyes suddenly became dull, mute, and lifeless.

"Can you feel my pain," he asked quietly, his voice suddenly matching his eyes.

I clenched my fists a little, hating that look. Quickly, I stepped in. I waited until Gaara took Yashamaru's hand out before I came forward and grabbed it. Before the two can say or do anything, I put his finger into my mouth…and bit down.

Yashamaru yelped, the lifeless look suddenly transforming into shock and bewilderment. Gaara was shocked also, his eye brow-less eyes widening.

"Ki-chan!"

"Ki-Kinnara-sama," Yashamaru stuttered out, his eyes opened wide in shock.

He made no move to get his hand away as I had already loosened my bite, instead, just keeping the finger in my mouth, tasting the metallic blood. Surprisingly, I did not find the situation disgusting at all.

"Why did you bite Yashamaru," Gaara exclaimed, trying to tug his hand away.

After a few tug, I let Yashamaru go. I pouted at the two of them, trying my best scowl at Yashamaru.

"And what about me?"

"What about you, Kinnara-sama," Yashamaru asked earnestly as he wrapped his injured finger around his apron.

"Is Gaa-kun the only important and close person to you," I mumbled as I looked downwards.

I was just using it as a distraction, but I was a little bit hurt too though. I felt left out.

At my question, Yashamaru seemed confused…and then, he laughed. Out loud, with his whole lungs. Gaara and I snapped our attention to him, both of us shocked. We had never heard Yashamaru laugh out loud before.

In moments, after a little more, he was able to control himself and then before either of us knew it, Yashamaru pulled us into a hug, surprising us even more. Yashamaru kept little physical contact.

His next words came out softly, and within it, I heard his tears. "The both of you are my important and close people. I'm sorry Kinnara-sama, I did not mean to make you feel left out."

I shook my head, arms wrapping around him and I felt as Gaara did the same, following my league. The only person who hugged Gaara was me, so Gaara was unsure of how to wrap his small arms around Yashamaru. This only cause Yashamaru to laugh again, not as quiet as his old ones, but not as loud as the one that just happened.

…

When Yashamaru returned to cleaning up dinner, Gaara turned to leave. I knew where he was going, but I asked anyways.

"Where are you going Gaa?" I kinda was surprised too because he had never gone out by himself before. It was always with me or with me and Yashamaru.

Gaara came back to me, a small smile on his lips. "I want to bring ointment to the kids today."

I pretended to be surprise. "Do you know where they live…?"

Gaara frowned, then smiled again. "The sand will tell me."

Oh, yea. I forgot about that little trick with the sand and all. I nodded, then looked outside, as if deciphering the time. I yawned a little.

"Gaa, we should do it tomorrow. It's late."

Gaara's face frowned a little, concern in his eyes. "But what if her wounds don't heal?"

I smiled at him. "She must have someone who care about her like Yasha-ji-san care about us. They have ointment for her."

When Gaara continued looking concern, I pulled him with me towards our room. "Gaa, don't worry. I promise I will come with you tomorrow! Please?"

I added my puppy face. Gaara looked at me and then, reluctantly nodded. "Okay, Ki."

I smile, relieved. "Okay, let's go to sleep." I paused though, looking back to the kitchen. Then turning back to Gaara, said, "Gaa, you go first. I'll come. I need to go apologize to Yasha-ji-san for biting his finger."

Gaara nodded and like a good brother he was, walked to our bedroom. When he was out of sight, I quickly went to the kitchen door, pausing. I breathed out slowly. I needed to do this. Something told me that tonight was the night that the Kazekage and Yashamaru planned it. I knew that there was a slim chance, but after seeing Yashamaru's dead eyes…I knew better.

I've seen those eyes before (and not just because I watched the anime). I remember those eyes on Xen.

Breathing out again, I braved myself and walked into the kitchen. Yashamaru was just about finished, wiping clean the late plate. At my entrance, he turned with a start, and then seeing that it was me, smiled warmly. But again, the smile did not reach his eyes.

"Kinnara-sama," he greeted. "Are you and Gaara-sama heading to bed now? I just heard Gaara-sama leaving though, did I not?"

I was silent, walking slowly towards him. I sat on the table, then nodded towards the other seat. "Can I talk to you, Yashamaru-san?"

At the way I addressed him, the warm smile faltered a little, his eyes becoming cautious. He nodded, sitting down, obliging me. Taking another deep breath, I looked him straight in the eyes. It was unnerving sometimes, how similar our eyes are.

"I want to talk to otousan," I finally breathed out. I waited, watching him closely.

Surprise crossed his face. "Kazekage-sama? We can go tomorrow—"

"Tonight," I cut in. I cleared my throat a little. "I want to see otousan tonight."

Then his face became guarded. "Does it have to be tonight?"

I nodded. "Yes."

Yashamaru watched me a bit more before shaking his head again. When I opened my mouth, he held his hand up. "I promise that I will take you to see Kazekage-sama tomorrow morning. How about when I'm delivering the andagi?"

I frowned. It's not that I don't believe him. It's that I don't know what will happen now. Would he still attempt to murder Gaara or maybe even me? I needed to think fast.

"Can Gaa-kun and I sleep with you tonight," I asked and I knew that he would not be able to say no.

For tonight, I'll rest and begin my battle tomorrow. That night, as I laid next to Gaara, Yashamaru on Gaara's other side, I simply stared at the ceiling.

What must I do to save them...?

* * *

**_~Ryuu~_**

_Ryuu shook his head in denial as he looked at the man he's been dreaming of for years. He had never actually studied him, only seen things through his eyes._

_He looked like older version of himself, or what could be the older version of himself. However, there was no way he could be an older Ryuu because Ryuu was still only five and this was a dream._

_Dreams weren't real._

_But the man shared eerily similar features, same eyes, nose, and mouth. Except his build was very muscular and lean, his hair was styled in a long crew cut with the front part of his hair unkempt. Ryuu touched his own haircut, similar to Shisui's (because the two of them got their hair cut together)._

_There was another big difference: the eyes. The man's was a deep brown while Ryuu's was that of the signature Uchiha's onyx ones._

_"**What's wrong**," the man asked softly as he seated himself across from Ryuu, comfortable in this foreign place with his foreign clothes._

_Ryuu had never seen his type of clothes and it looked as if the man had tied something around his neck and it hung down over his chest. He looked back up at the man's face though at his words._

_"**This is not happening. You're only a figment of my mind, a dream—**"_

_"**Really? I could have sworn it was the other way around, but I don't know, kid. I didn't make the rules**."_

_Ryuu's eyes narrowed. "**Is this a genjutsu or is this really my dream? You can't be real and this is not real.**" He squeezed his eyes shut, fists clenching. "**Wake up, wake up, wake up…**"_

_"**Sorry kid, I'd rather not be here either, but I'm kinda getting tired of everything.**"_

_One of Ryuu's eyes creaked open to peer at him. "**You're not real, but I'm going to ask anyways…why do you look like me?**"_

_The man leaned forward, his eyes watching Ryuu intently. "**I don't know. But there is no way this cannot be a dream. Your world is not my world.**"_

_"**Worlds?**" Ryuu's eyes opened._

_"**You've noticed, haven't you? Those attacks that show you pictures and images from my life? They're not exactly from this world.**"_

_"**That can't be!**"_

_"**It is. In my world, your world is fake, an imagination constructed to replicate the world I had lived in.**"_

_"**Wait,**" Ryuu's face scrunched up, "**let's say you're right. Why would they, whoever they are, put you in this fake world?**"_

_The man's lips came upward in a twisted smile. "**To torture me a bit more. I only cared about Naruto,**" Ryuu's eyes widened at the name, "**because she did. I never finished it though because I…died.**"_

_"**Naruto? That name!**"_

_"**Yea, the kid that all the adults told you to stay clear of? That Naruto. You're universe centers around him.**"_

_Ryuu was quiet then as he studied the man. "**Of all things you've said, that is the most insane.**"_

_The man's smile fell as his eyes blinked at him, the owl-like stare unnerving Ryuu._

_"**Look, I just want to wake up. I've been watching your world through your eyes and honestly, I don't believe your world is real—**"_

_"**What, you can't use my own words against me,**" Ryuu said angrily as he frowned at the man. "**I know I'm real!**"_

_"**Do you?**"_

_Ryuu nodded, but the man's next words and action stopped him. Standing up, the man opened his hand towards Ryuu. The younger boy stared at the open palm then back to the owner's face with confusion. The man's face was scrunched up a little, his brows coming together in thought, eyes crinkled at the sides and lips twisted downwards in a small frown._

_"**The world you're living…is my dream. Yet the world I lived is your dream. I've watched your life through your eyes and you've watched mine through yours.**" He cocked his head to the side, palm still outreached towards Ryuu. "**We've never been face to face. I don't know what sparked this meeting. But…I think if you would only take my hand, cross the physical distance between us, then maybe the mental gap will also close.**"_

_Ryuu eyed the palm. "**How can I trust you?**"_

_The man's eyes furrowed together in concentration. "**You shouldn't.**"_

_"**Great,**" Ryuu muttered as he stood up and stared at the palm before looking back at the man. "**I don't understand this.**"_

_"**I don't either.**"_

_"**What if it does nothing?**"_

_"**What if it changes everything?**"_

_Ryuu blinked at his words, fingers clenching and unclenching. He frowned. "**This is stupid.**"_

_The man's frown deepened. "**I know. But you feel it too, don't you?**"_

_Ryuu's frown deepened. "**What do you mean?**"_

_"**The dreams are coming to a stop. Our worlds are coming closer and closer. I used to only catch glimpses of your world and sometimes, I would be outside of your body, but…it's been changing. I feel like I'm becoming you.**"_

_Ryuu's body felt shivers run down his spine at his words. He swallowed down the lump forming in his throat. "**That's impossible.**"_

_The man's face softened. "**You are becoming me.**"_

_"**No, I can't be. I'm Uchiha Ryuu, I'm not you. I'm not a dream!**"_

_The man was quiet, his palm refusing to fall. "**And you won't stop being Ryuu. I think…that if you're Ryuu, then I am also Ryuu. Just like how you're Xen also.**"_

_Ryuu's eyes widened and he shook his head. "**I'm not Xen. I don't know who that is! He's not real.**"_

_But even as the words left his mouth, Ryuu stared in horror as the man suddenly began shrinking, transforming. His hair got longer, his eyes darker, the muscles and height disappearing, and soon Ryuu was staring at a mirror. However, the outstretched palm and the suddenly too understanding eyes, remained the same._

_"**I think I'm starting to understand this,**" Ryuu's voice came from the man's, boy, whatever he was, lips. "**I am you and you are me. But you've forgotten…no, not forgotten. No, it's something else. You've been fighting it; the rebirth, I mean. It's why you've been getting seizures.**"_

_Revelation crossed his—Ryuu's?—face._

_"**Yes. That explains it. But, it's a no wonder you're fighting it so much.**"_

_His palm fell and that made Ryuu even more scared. Ryuu stiffened as the other Ryuu—the man or was it boy, Ryuu didn't know anymore—suddenly began walking towards him. There was a strange calm and understanding look in his eyes._

_"**I understand now, Ryuu…no. You're not just Uchiha Ryuu. You're Xen too.**"_

_"**S-shut up,**" Ryuu said, stuttering._

_He felt everything go cold as the other Ryuu came closer and closer. Ryuu wanted to punch that look off of his face. It was too understanding, too calm…too sad._

_"**I don't know who Xen is!**"_

_"**Because you don't want to,**" the other Ryuu whispered as he stopped a few feet away from Ryuu. "**You don't want to remember. You'd rather believe that Xen is not you…that Xen is not real because that means Xen's life, Xen's world, is not real either. If Xen was just a dream, it would mean you're just Uchiha Ryuu, not Xen. Xen who lost his whole family to that man, Xen who lost the woman he loved…Xen, the man who turned into a monster—**"_

_"**Stop it,**" Ryuu cried, his hands cradling his head as flashes and images crossed his eyes._

_It couldn't be true, none of it! Ryuu fell onto his knees, hands grabbing at his head as the images—memories—refused to stop showing themselves to him. The room began shaking, everything started falling apart, and the TV broke, the glass on the table shattering. Outside the window, the towers—skyscrapers—started falling apart, glass raining down to the ground._

_"**Stop, please, stop! It's not real. It's not real, IT'S NOT REAL-It can't be! Just STOP!**"_

_Then Ryuu felt as everything really did stop, the world turning into a calming lull. Warm arms suddenly surrounded him, embracing his trembling body. Ryuu's eyes snapped open and he stared into the other Ryuu's chest._

_He could not see his face, but Ryuu could feel as tears fell because they also fell from his eyes. His lips trembled then, his eyes creasing as the truth dawned on him. He sobbed into the other Ryuu's chest._

_"**But it is real, Xen,**" the other Ryuu, the old Ryuu, tightened his arms around the boy that had just suddenly turned into the man he once was. "**And it's time to wake up.**"_

_And Ryuu—Xen—did._

TBC

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read, favorite, follow, and review. Very much appreciate it. **


	7. Reality

_**Disclaimer: There is nothing to disclaim since I owe nothing except for my OCs...Not Naruto stuff. **_

* * *

_**"When uncovering the monster hidden in my closet, I found it was me..."**_

* * *

_**7 - Reality**_

_**~Xen~**_

Ryuu—no, I awoke with a start, my body jerking so hard that the IVs were pulled out. I winced, blinking at everything around me. I blindly grasped for the bedside.

_I stumbled, my voice stuck within my throat as I slipped on the crimson liquid. No, please no. No, no, no. _

I breathed out softly, and with no sense of my surrounding, scanned the hospital room. I coughed, my body shaking as more memories flooded over my consciousness. I felt as sobs erupted from my throat.

_I wrapped my arms around Su, his head lulling back in my arms. I tried to scream, but I couldn't find my voice. Why, why?!_

I tried to breath, but the only thing that came out were silent screams.

_I found the small bodies in the kitchen, my tears finally falling, my screams shaking the whole house as I held my youngest brothers and sisters. _

Pain flashed across my head, my eyes squeezing shut as I gave a muted cry.

_I stood next to her grave, staring down at the letter her parents just gave me. I felt nothing…there was nothing left. _

Falling off the bed, I felt as my body hit the floor, but that pain could not match the ones in my eyes, my head, and my heart.

_I screamed into the wall, tears falling as I smashed the bottles, one by one. Blood, my blood, splattered across the table, over the shattered glass._

Why, why was I remembering? Why did I **_have_** to?

_I felt as arms grabbed me, trying to stop me, but all I wanted…all I wanted was to die. _

I finally found my voice, my body curling into a fetal position as I continued screaming into the room, into my pain.

_It hurt…it hurt so much. Please, make it stop. I grabbed the gun and pointed it to my head. Please. _

My eyes clenched shut, not realizing that the lights had suddenly been turned on and that bodies were suddenly surrounding me.

_"They're my children," he whispered brokenly, his tears wetting the side of my face, "how could I leave them to be orphans in this world without my protection?"_

I felt as warm kind hands picked me up, but they could not break my void. I was stuck within my past, unable to do anything, but continue to thrash against the arms, screaming and crying. It was not their arms that I wanted. Not the warmth I longed for.

_She held me, her cries, tears for me, swallowed by my pain as I held onto her, trying to just keep her warmth in my arms. I did not want to let her go. Please, don't let me lose her too._

I gave a scream of anguish, howling like an animal.

_I slammed the car door. Why, why did she insist on going away where I could not protect her? All I wanted was for her to stay here, where I knew she would be safe. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I'll apologize next time. I clenched my fists around the object in my pocket as I pulled out of her driveway, my fingers smoothing the small box. _

_Next time. _

Please…just make it stop.

_I stared down at pills in my hand. These were supposed to make me happy, keep the depression, the grief, and the pain at bay. But…I watched as the pills flew against the wall, scattering around the floor. I stared at them. These pills could not fill in the hole, could not bring them back. _

_I just wanted them all back. _

_My family…and my girl. _

I felt voices surround me, people shouting, but all I could hear as I felt them insert something into my arms, were **his** words.

_Why…why did I just not simply die?_

The tears that ran down my face touched my lips, the taste of the metallic substance coating my tongue.

_You're cursed…not my son, not mine to kill. _

Even as the darkness claimed me, silencing my screams, it could not silence the memories and the pain.

_You're a curse, Xen…and as a curse, you'll only continue to kill those around you. _

...

_**~Third Person~**_

Shisui stared unseeingly down at the ground, his hands fisted at his side. Itachi sat next to him along with Sasuke. The younger Uchiha looked between Shisui and Itachi, his eyes creased in worry at how silent the two were.

Shisui, while not as stolid as Itachi, was a quiet guy, but Sasuke knew that Shisui had a humorous and kind side, smiling more than Itachi ever would. But even Itachi's silence was unnerving. The three sat in Ryuu's room. When Team Asuma had returned from their mission yesterday, Ryuu had been rushed to the hospital. Then as night fell, Ryuu had received another seizure, the attack so bad that it had called for five medics to prevent the boy from hurting himself.

He's been in a coma since. It was already the afternoon.

Sasuke peaked at his friend, his lips quivering. Itachi, noticing Sasuke's sudden down casted emotions, poked his brother gently on the forehead, smiling softly to reassure him in action if not in words. Sasuke, at his brother's action, looked back down at his hands, his frown lessening.

Itachi gazed back at Ryuu then looked at Shisui from the corner of his eyes. Even though the two were only cousins, Itachi knew that Shisui and Ryuu were more. They were brothers.

When Ryuu had been born, Itachi had saw a reflection of himself when Sasuke had been born in Shisui. For Shisui, especially with the death of his parents from the Kyuubi attack, Ryuu's birth had been a miracle and a sign of better days.

Plenty of times, Itachi and Shisui would exchange stories about Ryuu and Sasuke as babies and to their individual training of their little "brother." Shisui referred to Ryuu more as a brother than a cousin. Looking back at the young shinobi (too young, in his opinion, but it would be hypocritical of him to say it out loud); Itachi could understand what Shisui was going through.

The door opened, the three boys turning to it. Kaito and Fugaku entered, the Uchiha head taking one glance at Ryuu before turning to his sons.

"Sasuke," he whispered as Kaito entered and he remained at the door, "your mother wants you to go home and rest."

Sasuke's lips pierced together as he looked over at Ryuu. He wanted to stay with Ryuu though...then warm fingers clutched his shoulders. Startled, Sasuke turned his head upwards. Itachi's warm eyes met his.

"Do as father says, Sasuke. If Ryuu wakes up, I will come get you and if he doesn't, I will pick you up today and we can come back here."

At his words, Sasuke nodded and stood up. As he passed Ryuu's still body, Sasuke hesitated. His fingers reached for Ryuu's, the tips touching the back of Ryuu's cold still hand. "Wake up soon, Ryuu-kun."

Fugaku's eyes softened at Sasuke when the boy turned to his father. Fugaku stepped aside as Sasuke walked pass him. He shared one glance with his oldest, Itachi's eyes meeting his briefly before looking away. Fugaku's frown deepened. He sighed and shook his head, turning to Sasuke as the young boy called for him. Kaito closed the door as Fugaku left.

Shisui rubbed a hand over his face before beckoning for the chair Sasuke had been in. "Take a seat."

Kaito nodded, his graying hair having gained several silver strands over the night. He sat down and slumped slightly, his eyes closing.

"Is Hizuki-sama at the compound," Itachi asked polietly as he turned to Kaito. Kaito nodded as he opened his eyes.

"Yes. She finally agreed to pass shift to us."

Shisui nodded, his hands falling to his side. He stared at Ryuu. "What did the doctors say about his eyes?"

Kaito stiffened, his eyes hardening. Itachi's fists clenched slightly his face tightening before relaxing as he turned his eyes to Shisui.

"As we suspected."

At his words, Shisui turned sharply towards Kaito. "What? Truly...but, but." Shisui shook his head, hands grabbing at his hair. "He's too young. It was just one mission...his first."

Itachi's eyes sharpened onto Ryuu, his eyes observing the young boy. Already? "Are you sure it is the Mangekyou?"

"Yes," Kaito whispered softly. "Itachi, Fugaku cannot know of this."

At his last words, Itachi stiffened. "What?"

"Fugaku must not know of Ryuu's Mangekyou."

Itachi agreed, but he was curious. "Why?"

Kaito turned his eyes to Itachi, the onxy orbs grave. "Think about it, Itachi. Shisui's Mangekyou is known only because he used it during a mission in front of others. When it first appeared, there were disputes over it. As a shinobi, Shisui may die any time. Fugaku has already stated he wishes for the eyes to be preserved and transplanted as we know now that it can be done such as Hatake Kakashi's case. I will not have Ryuu under the same burden."

Shisui nodded as he leaned back in his chair, his eyes closing. "He is right. Ryuu's Mangekyou must remain between the three of us and we will explain this to Ryuu when he awakens."

Itachi was quiet as he turned back to Ryuu. Itachi was unsure of what to think. Uchiha Ryuu was a prodigy, through and through. His skills will probably even surpass that of Itachi, especially with Shisui's as his mentor. Now with the Mangekyou, there is no doubt that Ryuu has surpassed him. Just a few more years and Itachi knew that Ryuu will be a force to reckon with. However, he was curious. What powers would Uchiha Ryuu's Mangekyou hold?

He turned slightly to Kaito. Kaito's Mangekyou, something Itachi had found out only when Shisui had revealed it to him last night when Shisui and Kaito had suspected Ryuu's mangekyou, was still a mystery to Itachi. Kaito had kept his eyes a secret for years, not even his father knew. What could Kaito possibly be hiding? Was it something similar to Shisui's Kotoamatsukami?

Only time will tell.

…

_**~Xen~**_

I awoke on the hospital bed, the softness of it cushioning my back. I stared up at the white ceiling, blinking my eyes.

Gingerly, I sat up, spotting Kaito...my father asleep on the chair across from me. I paused in thought. I was Uchiha Ryuu now, not Xen. Uchiha Kaito is my father. I felt as everything inside of me froze, my muscles and my heart stuttering.

I had a _father_. I studied him a bit more. A father...

Stretching, I could not help, but hate the lack of muscles and strength in my arms and legs. My body was still too young to fully develop the muscles and strength and agility I was used to. But I could feel and know from memory of this life that this body had more stamina than my old five year old body from before.

I was just happy though that as Ryuu, even without the memories, I had known to begin training early.

But still. I felt slow and sluggish from the five year old body, but rather it was from the lack of intense exercise or from having been under bed rest for five days, I did not know. Slowly, I slipped out of the bed, stumbling a little from fatigue.

Breathing through my nose, I straightened and took a step forward, then another. Everything felt strange, yet it didn't. I had spent so long living as Ryuu, suppressing who I once was, that to combine the two again was strange, even stranger than landing myself into the Narutoverse.

I stopped by the sink as the mirror came into sight. I paused. I almost laughed. I felt so stupid. How did I, as Ryuu or as the dream Xen, not realize that I was Xen? Being reborn as an Uchiha did not change my features at all.

"You really do have a sick humor," I muttered at whoever decided to put make me an Uchiha in this life time. "Just because we're Asians…"

I scoffed, rubbing my smooth jaw, the baby fat still lingering. I had grown a stuble back in the old world. It was strange to be so bare. But at least I knew that my body would lean out more within a few years and with a bit more training. I ran a hand through my thick hair, eyes narrowing. I needed a cut. Why did I allow myself to follow Shisui's style? It wasn't bad, but it wasn't me.

"Ryuu," Kaito's voice said with fear. He must have realized I was missing from the bed.

I turned back him, taking in his familiar features. I was Ryuu still, so I did hold love for him, but now I was also Xen...so it was kind of strange to meet his eyes, eyes that held clear adoration for...me.

"Chichi."

Kaito stood up, his eyes watching me closely before coming over and suddenly hugging me. My instinct was to flinch from the hug, but this body…was too used to the affection shown by the older man. Like a reflect, I returned the hug, my smaller body being engulfed by Kaito's larger one.

After a moment, Kaito let me go, leading me by the shoulder, back to the bed. "Ryuu, you should not be up. You've been resting for a day now."

"It's only been a day," I repeated, surprised.

Kaito's eyes sharpened at me, causing me to pause. How did I act like Ryuu when I was Ryuu? But his next words made me sigh in relief.

"You're not stuttering?"

I nodded slowly. Of course not. I only stuttered to begin with because of the seizures. But now that I was no longer fighting the memories...I acted surprise.

"Hai," I began, "it seems so, chichi."

When Kaito only responded with a sudden smile, I knew it was going to be okay. Kaito helped me up, his arms lifting me and I allowed him. He was my father and even though I felt like a grown man, the memories and the life I had as Ryuu could not be erased. I loved this man and I knew he loved me. I was not acting, I was Ryuu.

"I'll send word to haha," Kaito said as he rubbed my hair fondly, "and I'll get the doctor. Shisui also asked to be notified when you awoke so I expect he'll be here sooner than even Hizuki."

He smiled once more at me and my heart stuttered. It's been so long since I've seen eyes with such warmth directed at me. I could not help but smile in return and for once, it was not forced or a lie. This was going to get some used to. As Kaito disappeared, my smile softened. I stared at my hands.

This world...this life...was so different.

However, I felt as my smile fell, there were things about this world that I already knew.

What was I going to do now…especially about the massacre.

* * *

...

* * *

**_~Kinnara~_**

I watched as Gaara packed the andagi into the boxes. Today it was his turn. Yashamaru was washing the dishes, his back to us. I stared at him a bit longer before turning back to Gaara. He was carefully placing the andagi into place, concentrated at the task. I smiled at him.

"Gaa-kun," I began, beginning my morning teasing of Gaara. I felt, rather than saw, as Yashamaru sighed. "You work so hard to prepare andagi for them! What about me? You don't love me?"

I put on my best pout as Gaara snapped his head towards me, eyes widening adorably. Guilt crossed his face as he stopped what he was doing. He quickly casted the andagi aside and came over to me, hugging me. "Iie! It's not like that Ki!"

I returned the hug, squeezing Gaara even as I laughed (giggled?) and buried my head into his neck. "I'm just joking Gaa! I know you love me."

Gaara, realizing that I had been teasing him, pulled away and frowned at me. "Ki-chan!"

I smiled at him warmly and poked him in the cheek. He pouted at him, removing my finger. Yashamaru came over and tapped my forehead.

"Kinnara-sama please refrain from teasing Gaara-sama," he chided softly even as he smiled at Gaara and I.

Gaara sighed before turning back to packing the andagi. I turned away from Yashamaru's smiling eyes to Gaara as he finished packing the andagi for Temari and Kankuro. I grabbed it, Gaara looking at me once before shrugging and continuing to pack the Kazekage's box.

I turned back to Yashamaru just as he took off his apron. I shoved the box into his arms as he turned towards Gaara and I, startling him as he stumbled backwards a bit.

"Kinnara-sama, what," he began, but I began pushing him into the living room, calling back to Gaara, "I'll be right back, Gaa!"

Yashamaru's protest died on his lips as I looked up at him with my most serious expression. His lips pierced together into a thin line as he stepped away from me. Taking one glance back at the kitchen, he focused on me.

"What's wrong?"

I studied him carefully, observing his eyes. They looked better than they did yesterday, but they also looked tired. He had not slept well last night. I knew because I stayed up with him.

"Please, deliver these to nii-san and nee-san first," I said as I continued looking into his eyes. "Then you can take Gaara and I to the otou-san."

Yashamaru stiffened a little as he looked at the box in his hands then to me. "If I asked you what for, would you tell me?"

I shook my head. "Please?"

There was a moment of silence between us before he sighed. Nodding, he turned to leave, then he paused. I watched him as he hesitated. I smiled softly at him when he turned back to me. At my smile, he froze.

"It'll be okay Yashamaru. Ki promise."

My words seem to do something to him because he slowly returned my smile. "Hai, Kinnara-sama."

He left, leaving me alone in the living room. I watched after the door he had exited for a little while longer. I felt as my heart pounded in my ears, my whole body shaking a little at what I was about to do, about to tell Gaara. I sighed. Let's do this.

Turning around, I reentered the kitchen just as Gaara finished packing the box. He looked up at me, smiling. I returned the smile as best as I could, but it must not have been because Gaara's smile fell.

"What's wrong, Ki-chan?" He came to me, hands already reaching for mine.

I stared at his hands for only a second, hesitating for only half of that second, before taking it. His warmth clambered over mine, my body greedily sucking it into myself. I looked up into his eyes and was shocked to find that my eyes were tearing up. Gaara panicked then, his free hand reaching up wipe my tears as he stepped closer to me.

"Nani? What happened Ki? Is Yashamaru okay?"

I nodded, my hand grabbing for his as I wiped my own tears away. I pulled Gaara with me to the living room and onto the couch. The picture of our mother smiled at us from its place on the stand. I looked over at it.

"Gaara," I whispered softly, "I'm going to talk to otousan today. Do you want to come?"

"Otousama? What do you want to talk to otousama about, Ki," Gaara asked.

"About us…Yashamaru…and Shukaku."

I turned back to him and noticed how his eyes furrowed together. He turned to me and met my eyes. "Shukaku?"

I placed a hand on his chest, then brought his hand to my chest. "The demon inside of us."

I felt as he stiffened beneath my hand, his eyes growing wide. "Demon? Is…is that why nobody likes us?"

I nodded. "Yes. It's why everyone doesn't like us."

Gaara seem to ponder my words, eyes dropping down to his hand on my chest. My hand fell from his, but his hand remained on in place. I kept my hand on his chest too.

"But why is Sh-shukaku in us?"

This was going to be the hard part. My fingers pushed his chest a bit, adding pressure to it.

"Because it makes us stronger…it makes us something to be afraid of," I whispered as his eyes rose back to mine.

"They're all afraid of us…aren't they." It wasn't a question.

My jaws clenched a little. "Yes. They are."

"Even Yashamaru?"

"A little bit, yes," I whispered. "But he loves us more than he is afraid of us." Or at least, I hope.

"Otousama…nee-san and nii-san. They love us too?"

"Yes," I whispered softly, my hand moving away from his chest to clutch at the hand on my chest. "They do. They're just very much afraid. To them, our existence means only one thing: Shukaku. But we can teach them, can't we? Like we taught Yashamaru to not be afraid of us?"

"Teach them," Gaara whispered the words back, his fingers clutching mine too. He stared down at our hand. "Will they still be afraid of us if we teach them? Will…they talk to us like Yashamaru talk to us?"

"I don't know, but we should still teach them, right?"

Gaara looked back up at me. "Hai, we should."

I smiled at him and he returned the smile. Awww. I laughed softly as I glomped him, wrapping my arms tightly around him. For once, Gaara did not complain.

"Gaara," I whispered into his ear, "I'm sorry. So sorry."

"What for," he muttered against my clothes as he let me hold him.

"I should have told you about this a long time ago. If I did, yesterday would not have happened."

"It's okay Ki," Gaara replied softly as he pushed me from him. I pulled back and met his eyes as he smiled at me. "It's like Yashamaru said, Ki. You were just protecting me! But," he paused a little and looked downward. "I want to protect you too, Ki. I want to protect Yashamaru a-and...I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

I stared at Gaara. All this from a kid? I nodded my head slowly, tears finally falling from my eyes. He was so young. And so good. I pulled him back into a hug, this time burrowing my head into his chest because I did not want him to see the tears.

Gaara was such a nice and sweet kid. I can't believe that no one was willing to give him a chance, no one was willing to protect him. But I will protect him. I will make sure he never walks down that path of hatred.

…

I felt the eyes on us as we walked through the building with Yashamaru leading us. The box of andagi was in Gaara's arms as he walked beside me, the two of us right behind Yashamaru. I glanced over at Gaara and was glad to see that he was also ignoring the stares, some glares, and walking forward with his head tall. Yashamaru talked quickly to the desk attendant before she let us in, her eyes creating holes on my back as the door closed behind us.

Gaara handed the box to Yashamaru as the Kazekage looked up from his paperwork. His hat was off, his face fully exposed to us. He frowned as he saw us. He took a quick glance at Gaara and I, no emotion revealing if he was surprised to see us or not. Instead he nodded at Yashamaru as he placed the box on his desk.

Gaara's hands reached for mine as the Kazekage turned his attention to us. I smiled at Gaara reassuringly, turning my eyes back to our father. Yashamaru suddenly got into his shinobi pose and stared straight ahead.

"Kinnara-sama and Gaara-sama have something they wish to speak to you about, Kazekage-sama," Yashamaru said stiffly as he placed his arms behind his back.

The Kazekage blinked in surprise even as his stern face remained the same. He turned sharp eyes to us.

"What would you like to speak to me about? If it is about training, we will begin that soon enough."

"It's not about training, otousama," Gaara spoke up much to everyone's surprise.

Well, Yashamaru and the Kazekage made no inclination to being surprised, but I sure as hell was. I turned my eyes sharply to Gaara. Before Yashamaru got back, I had already explained what I was going to say. It was hard to reveal what I knew…without revealing what I knew. But it was hard to explain to Gaara about Yashamaru's and our father's plan on "testing" our hold on Shukaku and sure enough, Gaara had been very upset. But I had been able to get him to understand. But what was he doing…

Gaara seem to read my thoughts because he squeezed my hands once before saying his next words.

"Ki and I…want to talk about Shukaku."

"Shukaku," the Kazekage snapped, his eyes seeming to narrow and sharpen onto us. I saw that Yashamaru had stiffened also. "What about Shukaku?"

"That," Gaara turned to me slightly, lips piercing as he looked downwards. He whispered softly, "that you wanted to t-test my control. Is…that true, otousama? Yashamaru?"

Yashamaru's eyes closed, I saw as he turned his head away from us. The Kazekage's face had fallen into a mask, his stern features having grown even sterner.

"Who told you this? Yashamaru," the Kazekage snapped his head towards his second in command, but I quickly intervened.

My hands squeezed Gaara. Please, let me speak for now, I wanted to say to him. But I simply tightened my grip in his.

"It was not Yashamaru who told us," I whispered softly, then frowned at him. "And you're avoiding the question, otousan!"

There was a moment of silence before the Kazekage turned his gaze fully on me. "For the sake of the village, we must know if Shukaku is under control. If Gaara or you do not have control of Shukaku, the two of you…must be eliminated for the sake of the village. Any threats to our village must be dealt with," Gaara flinched next to me, "Sunagakure comes before anything else. What happened yesterday, proves that Gaara cannot control Shukaku. If it was not for Yashamaru, children would have died."

I stared at him, unable to believe his words, but at the same time, I was not surprised. One for a million…isn't that the utilitarian way? Isn't that how my world worked too? Sacrifice a little for a lot. That's how it is…and that's how he views us. As the Kazekage, the village came before the village. But that's still so wrong. I breathed out softly.

I replayed the words in my head, remembering them by heart because (sadly) I spent so much time watching it before. I stared into his eyes, his face so similar to Gaara that it made me sad. I spoke my next words with care, everything replaying in my mind.

"All a parent needs to do is to believe in their children. Just that little bit is the most valuable treasure," I whispered, my voice becoming calm.

The Kazekage's eyes widened at my words, his sternness faltering before coming back. Yashamaru, from the corner of my eyes, turned towards me, then back to facing straight ahead, his whole body tensed. The Kazekage opened his mouth, but I continued, my love for Gaara and for Yashamaru, along with love I had for my new father, pushing me forward. Gaara's hand tightened on mine. I took comfort in his presence.

"You control the Gold Sand, but can you see the true value of things? How can you deem Gaara as useless to Suna if you can't even look at him without fear? Hate?"

"I do not," the Kazekage paused a bit, his eyes no longer stern, but they held a hard edge to them, "hate Gaara."

I felt as tears, of anger and pain, form in my eyes. My body trembled with anger at his words. Gaara's sharp intake of breath next to me made me tug at his arms, praying he understand that I did not want him to comfort me right now. I needed to say this.

"How can you say that while you just tried to have the only father figure Gaara has ever had kill him? Just to test the control he has over Shukaku!"

I shook my head, tears finally falling. I knew of Gaara's fate if the Kazekage and Yashamaru continued with their plan. Gaara's hand tried to pull away from mine, but I held tight and kept him next to him. I took one look at him, pleading. He froze, his eyes blinking at me with hurt and confusion, but he nodded stiffly.

I breathed in, wiping my eyes in vain, but doing it anyways. I turned my violet eyes and looked directly at the Kazekage…at my otousan. He flinched, visibly, as our eyes met.

"Gaara is not a monster. He is not a tool. He is not just a vessel for the Jinchuuriki. _We_ are not just weapons. We are your children," I said quietly, my fists clenched at my sides now. "What gave you the right to have decided this path for Gaara and me, otousan? If it was not for me, Gaara would have been so alone. If it was not for Yashamaru, Gaara would have never known that he was so loved. If it was not for the two of us, Gaara would truly be a monster and not because of the Shukaku, but because of _you and this village_."

I breathed out slowly and held his gaze with mine. I spoke my words with care.

"You took away our future by turning us into Jinchuuriki…and you took our mother away from us," both Yashamaru and the Kazekage flinched, "and now, you're trying to take away our love for her?"

When I finished, I waited for the Kazekage to reply. I have done all I could to try and change fate. To change what once was. I felt as my chest tightened in fear though. I realized then, how wrong everything could go.

If the Kazekage chose to ignore my words, chose to continue with his "test" for the sake of the village, there was nothing I could do. I would have only caused Gaara more pain, having been the one who made the bond between Yashamaru and Gaara even stronger than it once was.

I would have made it worse for Yashamaru also, forcing him to come to love me and Gaara so much that he no longer looked at us as only Karura's last will, but also as his most treasured people. It would not just be one loved one he was betraying, but two.

I closed my eyes when the Kazekage remained quiet, unable to continue looking at his unfaltering gaze. I felt as my chest constricted and as the tears suddenly flowed even more. I felt as the sobs began to form in my throat. I fought them back though, shoulders shaking.

It _hurt_ so much. I never thought anything could hurt this much.

I had always felt so much emotions when I watched Gaara's childhood. Gaara has always moved me. I've even cried a couple of times. But never before had it been this real.

I remember the scene of Gaara's tears when the Kazekage finally told him the truth about that night; the truth about Yashamaru and Karura. Gaara's tears as he realized that he had been loved all along had been a favorite scene, one watched over and over again. However, even though it had been a great tear jerking scene…was also the cruelest scene. It was cruel because I now understand what truly led to that moment.

Betrayal, lies, pain, failure, and death.

I did not want to see Gaara cry like that in reality. I did not want Gaara to ever feel unloved, to ever doubt Yashamaru and our mother. A sob escaped then. She _was_ my mother, I remember her last words to Gaara and me. How cruel that these two men, who claimed to love her so, were able to do the exact opposite of what she wanted?

Through my sobs, I forced myself to continue talking. I needed to say it all, say everything because I could not let history, let the future, be what it was. I let go of Gaara's hand and fell onto my knees. Gaara fell with me and I felt him at my side, shaking me slightly. He whispered words of comfort to me, and I took them in.

I did not want Yashamaru to die hating himself for betraying Gaara and Karura; for Gaara to become a great man only through a torturous and painful life; for the Kazekage to only realize after death how much he failed the son and wife he loved.

"Mothers are powerful," I whispered at the two men, the Kazekage still showing no response, Yashamaru still so silent. "Okaa-sa is gone, but she still believes in Gaara and I. She still protects us even after death. She's the one who brought us this far. She was the one who gave us life." I choked back a sob and felt as Gaara began crying next to me. "Her love is the reason for our existence. Please, don't take that away from us. Don't take away our okaa-sa's love."

I was openly sobbing now, unable to stop anymore because I couldn't. I just couldn't. I clenched my hands on my knees. Me, a seven year old child with the mind of a woman who has lost so much in both of my lifetimes. Gaara's arms wrapped around my body as he tried to comfort me. I felt his tears then.

I grabbed hold of him, the only comfort I could take in, the only comfort I've known since I was born. I was only a child. I was only a child and Gaara…he was so young. I did not want to fail him. I did not want to fail them. Please, I begged, silently. Please, help me change the mind of these men, change the shinobi world. I kept begging too, unsure of who to.

It just hurt so much and I wanted to change so much. Please…please.

I felt arms suddenly lift me, lift us, my face turning into a warm chest as rough hands covered my head. Gaara, next to me, seem to curl into the chest. At first, I thought it was Yashamaru, but then…then I felt his chest move with each breath, felt his heartbeat, and listened as he apologized words into my ear, his deep voice so calming.

That warmth, those arms, that protection I had felt so long ago as an infant, was right here. I cried even harder into my father's arms. I kept thinking and referring to Gaara as a child when I had forgotten that in this new world, this new life…I was also just a child.

And as a child, I cried into my father's chest, Gaara silently turning to me as he comforted me, no longer crying. How could he? He had never seen what he would become, he never saw Yashamaru and the Kazekage die. He never saw what could have been…and I cried even more because I prayed that he would never have to see it.

TBC

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**A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews and for those who favorited/follow. I hope that my story is worthy of your attention! If any question, feel free to ask. I hope I did okay on this chapter. I am unsure if I am making it too OOC. I am mostly basing the Kazekage's and Yashamaru's actions base on what we've seen and on the idea that Kinnara has been in their lives for the past five years.**

**_P.S. I am unsure about how I feel about this chapter. Depending on what people think, I may change it because I had another idea for it...but it was less of a "happy" thing. It would involve lots of angst (O_O) If I redo this chapter, it will probably be as another story (_)_**

_Until Next Time...(_


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